


Operation: Confess to Wakatoshi

by FlowerSINpai



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Actually everyone's ooc, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Awkward Romance, Childhood Friends, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Heartbreak, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Jealousy, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Wakatoshi is kinda OOC I'm sorry, but not really slow burn, no beta we die like men, reader tries her best
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:54:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 25,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25552393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlowerSINpai/pseuds/FlowerSINpai
Summary: You just can't stop dreaming about your own love story. You wanted to know how it feels like to have butterflies in your stomach; the fireworks during your first kiss; the fluttering of your heart when you hold hands.But no. You just had to torture your poor, romantic self by falling for Ushijima Wakatoshi. Great. Fantastic.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru & Reader, Oikawa Tooru/Reader, Ushijima Wakatoshi/Original Female Character(s), Ushijima Wakatoshi/Reader
Comments: 84
Kudos: 388





	1. Eyebags and Love Letters

Ushijima Wakatoshi.

Ah, yes, what can you say about this guy?You've known him since you were snotty little kids, and you're proud to say that you're an eye witness to his growth not only as a person but also as a volleyball player.

However, in spite of being a brilliant athlete, you could say that there are some things..or aspects where he's, for lack of a better term, less blessed.

Sure, he's got the looks and the bod of a Greek god. He's hardworking, goal-oriented, and you can feel his passion for volleyball oozing out of his pores. To strangers, he might look like a scary giant who can beat them into a pulp— _He probably can, especially with those biceps_.

But you've known him for way too long and you know that underneath that blank, somewhat scary facade, lies a big softie.

You know that he likes Hayashi Rice, so much so that he'd ask you to cook it for him during late hours. This includes sneaking into the boys' dorms and handing him tupperwares— _which he never returned, by the way._

You know that he sometimes focuses too much on volleyball that he forgets to do his homework. This time, he's the one sneaking into the girls' dorms to have a study session with you.

"You need to divide both sides to get the value of x. Feel me?"

"I don't think it's appropriate to feel you—"

"Toshi, it's an expression."

You know that he's painfully oblivious and you're convinced that he lost his sense of humor (if he even had one in the first place) because of volleyball. He's awfully blunt, and wouldn't hesitate to speak his mind with such confidence—a trait that you both love and hate about him.

He's so painfully oblivious that he can't even notice how whipped you are for him.

Goddammit.

Out of all the people in the world, why did you have to fall in love with a man who has the emotional capacity of a rock?

You don't know when it started but you were cooking for him one night and realized, "Fuck. I think I love this giant."

It's a lot worse than you think. See, you've always been a hopeless romantic. You liked watching all those sappy rom-coms and would think to yourself, "I want that too."

It's just so magical. So dreamy. People might find it cliche, and you admit that they can be exaggerated sometimes—but you just can't stop dreaming about your own love story. You wanted to know how it feels like to have butterflies in your stomach; the fireworks during your first kiss; the fluttering of your heart when you hold hands. 

But no. You just had to torture your poor, romantic self by falling for Ushijima Wakatoshi. Great. Fantastic.

So you tried. For heaven's sake, you _really_ tried. It's only a matter of time till he realizes that you're up to something, right?

He's not _tha_ _t_ oblivious, right?

It's crazy how love can make you do crazy things. That's what you thought to yourself while staying up one night, scribbling away on your notebook.

"Operation: Confess to Wakatoshi"

Now listen, you've never done this before. You've never been in a relationship, you've never confessed to anyone.

You have zero experience in the romance section. But what you do have is a premium subscription to Netflix, and enough snacks to last you a couple hours.

To prepare for "Operation: Confess to Wakatoshi", you decided to binge watch romance movies.

It didn't take long for you to gather some...useful information. After that, you decided to finally go to sleep. "Operation: Confess to Wakatoshi" will continue tomorrow.

The next day, you wake up with a determined heart and dark bags under your eyes. Dammit, you can't confess looking like this. You prayed to the makeup gods that morning, and with the power of concealer—you no longer look like a raccoon.

As you walk to class, with your chin held up high, a sense of excitement and confidence washed over you. Mentally going over your list of steps, you take a seat and watched as your classmates filled the room.

1\. Give him a love letter.

It's easy. Simple yet sweet. A classic. You've always been better at writing down your thoughts and feelings. It's perfect. You think about how to hand it to Wakatoshi.

He's in advanced classes (and he still asks you for help with his studies?) so you can't really just slip it over to his desk.

You can either put it in his shoe locker, give it to him personally during lunch break, or wait for classes to be over.

Choices, choices. This was supposed to be the easiest step. Damnit.

The bell rings, breaking your train of thought, and before you knew it—you're on your way to have lunch.

You see him sitting with his teammates. Tendou Satori immediately spots you and waves you over. Okay, this is it. You sit down with them, make small talk, hand him the letter and wait for his response.

"Well, if it isn't our (Name)-chan~" Tendou chimed, as you sat down and placed your bento box on the table.

Soon enough, you were chatting and laughing with the rest of the team. Sometimes, you'd see Wakatoshi's lips twitch into a small (unnoticeable) smile. His eyes would meet yours momentarily, and then your heart would start speeding up.

The bell rings once again, and one by one, the students leave to go to their afternoon classes. Wakatoshi's team mates walked ahead, and you immediately took the opportunity.

"Ah, I have something to give you, Toshi." You exclaim. Wakatoshi looked down at you, eyebrows raised in curiosity. You reach inside your pockets, fumbling around then pulled out a small pink envelope. "Please read it when you're alone. I'll be waiting for your answer."

Ushijima simply nodded and tucked it in his pocket. You gave him a small wave, and then went on your way back to class.

Your cheeks were warm, and you can only assume that they're red too. All the excitement and confidence you had earlier this morning faded away, leaving this heavy feeling of dread that settled in your stomach.

You did it. You gave him the love letter. All you have to do is wait for him to read it and give you a response.

You're so nervous, you could barely concentrate on your lessons. It was nerve-wracking, a mishmash of emotions that lays upon your shoulders.

And it's like the skies sensed your unease and anxiety. As if the skies are telling you something. A sign. Whether it was a good sign or a bad sign, you were too anxious to decide.

So you simply watched as the rain began to pour.


	2. Rain Drops and Accidents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of them are a bit OOC, I'm sorry ;;

You ever have those moments where you realize you forgot something important? Yes, that's you right now.

As soon as class ended and everyone started leaving the classroom, that's when you realized what it was.

It's raining and you forgot your umbrella. 

You watched as your schoolmates walk into the rain—umbrella in hand, some even wearing rain boots. There's also others who could care less, and just walked straight ahead. It's just rain, after all. The dorms aren't even that far.

Your eyes stared at grey sky and you're convinced that whoever's up there is playing a trick on you.

Maybe if you run, you can make it. Maybe. Or you can just wait it out. Or you can look for one of your classmates and ask to share an umbrella with you. Or—

"You forgot your umbrella again, didn't you?"

Ah. Wakatoshi.

Turning around with a sheepish smile, you look up at your childhood friend-slash-crush. "Unfortunately, yes." You chuckled softly.

"You can borrow mine." He reached into his sports bag and pulled out a purple umbrella that looks wayyy too familia—

"Wait. THAT'S MINE!" You didn't mean to yell but that definitely was your umbrella. It even has the small strawberry charm that you won from a claw machine.

Wakatoshi raised his brows and looked at the umbrella, realization washing over his stoic features. "It is. You left it at my dorm."

"Why didn't you tell me, Toshi!?"

"I forgot it was there." He said as he opened the umbrella and held it out for you.

"You always say that. Seriously, you need to gimme back my stuff—especially my tupperwares." Walking out into the rain, you squeezed against his tall frame. This umbrella is obviously not meant for two people, especially with Wakatoshi's huge build.

"Toshi, you need to hold it over to your side more. You're getting drenched." You say, pointing out his left shoulder.

"I'll be fine." He said softly, looking down at you. Your gaze met his, and you almost burst into flames right then and there. 

It could be your brain playing tricks on you.

But you swear, he had an affectionate look in his eyes.

Half of his body was soaked due to the rain. You felt bad for having him hold this small umbrella and even worse when he offered to walk you to your dorm. However, you knew Wakatoshi, you knew how stubborn he can be. 

It's always been like that. Wakatoshi would always go the extra effort to make sure that you're okay. 

A lot of people get intimidated by him at first, assuming the worse but you knew sides of him that he rarely shows to anyone. He has his own ways of letting people know how much he cares.

And that's what made you fall in love with him even more.

Once you've reached the dorms, you tried to invite him inside to dry off. "You could get sick, Toshi. Let me at least grab some towels."

Then again, this guy's stubborn as ever. "There's no need." He says, as he hands you the umbrella. You glare at the tall ace, "Take it, Toshi. You're going to get even more drenched if you don't use that. I don't want you to get sick."

"You should know by now that I have a strong immune system, I rarely get sick."

"Careful, you might jinx yourself. Just take the damn umbrella, will you?"

"Don't even try to argue with me on this one." You continue, with a grin. 

Wakatoshi, stoic as ever, simply nods. He turns around to leave, but then he pauses. He faces you once again and then lifts his hand, placing it on top of your head.

Just like he always did since you were kids.

"If it happens, then you'll have to cook for me." He says, mouth twitching almost as if he's fighting back a smile.

"What, I'm your personal chef now?"

"You were the one who initially asked your cooking services. I'm just taking up on that offer."

"Return my tupperwares and you'll get whatever you want."

* * *

_"What brings you to my humble abode, Wakatoshi-kun?" Tendou asks, after seeing a half-drenched Wakatoshi at his door._

_The redhead was just about to start watching the rerun of Sadako, when he heard someone knocking._

_"I need your help with something important."_

_Shoving handfuls of popcorn into his mouth, he ushered the ace into his room. "Oho? How unusual of you to be like this~ Is it a giiiiiirl?" He wiggled his brows, as a certain (color)-haired girl crossed his mind._

_"Do you have a hair dryer?" Ushijima said it so bluntly and so suddenly that Tendou almost choked on a kernel. Of all things, why would the miracle boy of Shiratorizawa be looking for a hair dryer?_

_Then all of a sudden, the ace pulled out a soaked and wrinkled pink envelope from his pocket._

_Ohhhh, that's why._

_"I'm so gonna tell the others."_

* * *

Wakatoshi came over the next day to have another study session with you. Neither of you mentioned anything about the letter and in all honesty, you were about to spontaneously combust out of curiosity and anxiety.

As Wakatoshi scribbled away on his notebook, solving his Calculus homework—you're sitting next to him, praying to the gods above to give you strength and courage to face what's about to come.

"So uh, Toshi.." You trailed off, tapping your pencil on the table.

"Have you read my letter?" You peeked over to your side. That's when you notice that Wakatoshi's being awfully quiet. Yes, he's quieter than normal—if that even makes sense. 

Of course, your brain would immediately assume the worse. Something's wrong and you know it. You just don't know why. Maybe it was because he read the letter and that he doesn't wanna be around you anymore. Maybe he feels the same and is embarrassed to tell you face-to-face.

The latter is highly unlikely to happen but a girl can dream, right?

You just want him to tell you what he thought of the letter. Who knew giving your crush a love letter could be this gutwrenching? What's worse is the possibility of your years and years of friendship getting ruined by a dumb confession. Great.

"Toshi?" You called out, anxiety gnawing at your poor heart. For a moment, you stared at him. He had this look of uncertainty, and you just wanted him to say something. Anything.

"I'm sorry." He looked down at his hands, but his tone was laced with guilt. You didn't know how to react, you felt a heavy weight settle upon your shoulders. You couldn't breathe.

This is it. Goodbye to our friendship. You ruined everything. You should've—

"I didn't read your letter." He continued, snapping you out of your chaotic mind. "W-What? Why?" Your brows furrowed in confusion as you scooted closer.

Wakatoshi inhaled, and then he turned to look at you. He had a weird expression on his face, and you don't know how to feel about that. He looked awfully guilty, which made you wonder what is making him feel that way?

Is it because he didn't read your letter? Why didn't he read it in the first place? Did he have some weird intuition about the letter and decided to just not read it?

Then, Wakatoshi spoke. "It got wet yesterday."

Oh. OH.

* * *

_"Can everyone just calm down and let me fix this?" Semi Eita sighed loudly, holding a hair dryer over the drenched letter sitting atop Tendou's study table._

_"We aren't supposed to be out of our dorms, right now. What if a teacher hears us?" Shirabu said, watching Tendou and Goshiki smash buttons on the redhead's gaming console._

_"Don't be such a killjoy. Aren't you curious about Wakatoshi-kun's admirer~?" Tendou chimed whilst munching on potato chips._

_"It's only normal for someone like Ushijima-san to get admirers, what's so different about this—" Goshiki yells as an enemy starts chasing his character. Why are they playing a horror game anyways?_

_Tendou plops down next to Shirabu, placing an arm around his shoulders. "Well, that's true. But if it was from a random admirer, then why is he sulking?" The redhead points at Wakatoshi. The miracle boy was standing next to Semi, watching carefully as the ash blonde male tried to salvage the drenched letter. In spite of Ushijima's stoic and expressionless face, the rest of his teammates can feel the gloomy aura radiating from their captain._

_"Ohhh, is it from (Name)-san—" Goshiki's scream echoes throughout the room once again, causing a tick to appear on Shirabu's forehead. "That's it! You need to stop!"_

* * *

"O-Oh, that's unfortunate.." You mumbled softly, scratching behind your neck. "It's okay it doesnt—"

He wasn't done. Wakatoshi cut you off immediately. You don't even know if it's possible but he looked guiltier.

"Then it ripped."

* * *

_"GAHHHH! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" Semi exclaimed as Goshiki and Shirabu wrestled on the floor._

_"It was his fault!"_

_"No, it's your fault not mine!"_

_"How dare you point fingers at me, huh!?"_

_It all happened so fast. Now that the letter was slightly dry, Semi had tried to take it out of the envelope. Trust me, he really tried. He made sure to be as gentle and as careful as possible—mostly because Ushijima is watching him with this look in his eyes. The blonde has never seen Ushijima like this before, not even when they lost a game._

_"Ah, so close..." Just one swift pull and the letter will be out of the wrinkled envelope. But all of a sudden, there was a loud crash. Goshiki and Shirabu we're running around Tendou's dorm, fighting over the console. Tripping over one of the wires, Goshiki came crashing down on Semi._

_Riiiiiip._

_The world stopped. Tendou shoveled mouthfuls of chips into his mouth, as if he was watching a TV show. Shirabu stood still, eyes wide as he held the gaming console. Goshiki winced as he laid on top of Semi who now held two floppy pieces of paper, and Ushijima..._

_Tendou can practically see Ushijima's soul float out of his body._

_"USHIJIMA-SAN! PLEASE FORGIVE US!"_

* * *

Okay, now you feel worse. You woke up early that morning to write all your unspoken feelings, and Wakatoshi didn't even get to read it. Instead it got drenched in rain and got ripped. Wakatoshi still wasn't able to read it anyways because the ink has smudged and faded away due to the water. 

Now, you're definitely convinced that the gods are playing a terrible prank on your poor romantic heart. 

"Uh.." You were at a loss of words. What were you supposed to say anyways? It was an accident and you're sure that the guys didn't want that to happen. 

"I'm sorry." You said at the same time.

Confusion appeared on Wakatoshi's features. "Why are you apologizing?" He asked, with that baritone voice of his.

I'm sorry because I tried to confess to you, is what you wanted to say but somehow, the words just got stuck in your throat. "I should've taken better care of your letter." He continues, making your heart clench.

Averting his gaze, Wakatoshi looked down at his hands. "I realized a long time ago that my hands are skilled when it comes to blocking and hitting." Then he looked at you. "And last night, I realized that my hands are terrible at handling fragile objects." 

"It wasn't yours or anyone's fault, Toshi." You smiled reassuringly. It was the truth. There's no point in getting upset over it.

"I ruined your letter. You must be upset with me."

He shook his head and kept his eyes on you. There was a comfortable silence, almost as if he was trying to pick out the right words to say.

"Can I hold you?" 

Stop. You couldn't breathe. You couldn't speak. Is this a dream? What's going on? You feel like your mind's about to explode with all the questions. There's a pounding in your chest and you fear that Wakatoshi will hear just how fast your heartbeat is.

"Yes."

Wakatoshi didn't waste a second, grabbing your shoulders and tucking you in his arms. His large frame covered yours, his warmth surrounding you like a blanket.

It feels like home.

"It's just a letter, Toshi. I'll write you another one."

The room was silent again, but this time it was comforting. You closed your eyes, his cheek pressed against yours. It doesn't matter, you think to yourself.

You'd write a hundred letters if it meant having more moments like this.


	3. Backup Plans and Hesitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, the other charas are kinda ooc ;;-; pls forgive

"(Name)-san, please forgive us!" Semi, Shirabu, and a very sad Goshiki exclaimed, bowing deeply. 

The morning after your moment with Wakatoshi, aka that-time-he-hugged-you, you walked to class with a newfound optimism. However, before you could even enter your classroom; Semi, Shirabu, and Goshiki blocked your path—an apologetic look on their faces.

"Uh, good morning?" You greeted softly, smiling at the trio. "What's going on? Why the long faces?"

"We're very sorry, (Name)-san!" Ah. That's right. They unintentionally ruined your love letter. Though, it was kinda sad that Wakatoshi didn't get to read your confession—last night's memory was more than enough to compensate.

You won't tell anyone about that though.

Chuckling softly at the athletes, you simply gave them a head pat—usually it's the other way around. "It's alright. It was an accident, so you don't have to beat yourselves up about it."

"(Name)-san you're too kind!" That's it, you're soft for Goshiki. You're willing to protect this baby, you think to yourself.

Then, Semi cleared his throat, catching your attention. "Actually, (Name)-san, we would like to make it up to you." You tilted your head in confusion. "What do you mean, Semi-kun?"

"We know you like, Ushijima-san." Shirabu stated bluntly, causing your jaw to drop in shock. "N-No, I don't!" You exclaim loudly, catching the attention of passing students.

"You didn't have to say it out in the open, Shirabu!"

"Yeah, what if someone heard that!?"

"Shut up, Goshiki!"

"How about you shut u—"

Semi turned to look at you, and he almost laughed. Almost. Mostly because you have the same expression as Ushijima when the letter got ripped. Just like Tendou, he can see your soul leaving your body.

You and Ushijima are definitely for each other, he thinks.

"Aha.. I think I need to go to class—" You said dismissively, hoping to escape this conversation.

Goddammit, his teammates know about your feelings. Were you that obvious? Sure, they would've found out immediately because of the letter but still—

"(Name)-san." Semi tugged at your wrist, pulling you back. "We really do want to help."

You shifted uncomfortably, which made the trio feel a bit terrible. You looked up at them, and they felt worse. "Was I that obvious?" You asked them.

"Err—" They avoided your gaze. "Kind...of..?" Goshiki mumbled and you almost exploded, cheeks tinted red in embarrassment.

"Please don't be mad, (Name)-san. But subtlety isn't your forte."

"Shirabu, that's mean!"

"I'm this close to hitting you, Shirabu."

_Operation: Confess to Wakatoshi just gained 3 more members._

* * *

After pestering you to accepting their help, the trio made sure to sit with you during lunch break to discuss their quote, unquote, "brilliant plan".

Let's just say, Ushijima wasn't very fond of you spending lunch break away from him. "Sorry, Ushijima-san! We really need (Name)-san's help with this...uh... Biology assignment!"

"Right, right!"

"Aren't you in advanced classes? Why are you asking for (Name)-chan's help—"

"Shush, Tendou-san!"

Ushijima didn't pay attention to the team's banter, he was too busy looking at you and reminiscing about what happened last night. It's odd. Like something was tugging at his heart.

He wanted to touch you again.

"I'm sorry, Toshi. They're really persistent." You told him with a smile. There goes his brain.

Has your smile always been this bright? Ushijima was lost.

"Okay." He said, pulling out his lunch—

"That's my tupperware, you giant!"

Right, he forgot to return them again.

* * *

The four of you decided to sit on a separate table, one that's far away from Ushijima and Tendou (who has this amused smile on his face). Then, Semi began to discuss how they're going to help you confess.

"You only have one step in your operation?" Shirabu asked in disbelief, to which you replied with a sheepish laugh. "I didn't think the letter would..err..be ruined so.."

You feel kinda stupid for not having a backup plan. But you really thought the letter would work! Semi shook his head and spoke.

"(Name)-san, have you heard of this thing called 'harana'?"

"No, what is it, Semi-kun?

"It's a thing where you go to your lover's home at night, call them out and sing for them while they look out the window."

"So, basically you're serenading them." Shirabu leaned back.

"HARANA SOUNDS COOLER, OKAY?!"

"Guys, please calm down." You tried to calm them down, while trying not to laugh at the same time. The fact that they're willing to help you is admirable enough, and you can't help but enjoy their presence as well.

In spite of all the banter, you could tell that they have a strong bond. You're glad that Ushijima found himself a team that looks out for each other. Being around Ushijima for so long, means you've been to every single one of his games. You know how much trust and respect he has for his teammates—sometimes even joining them in their shenanigans but that's a story for another day.

Dammit, you just can't stop thinking about this giant.

"As far as I know, it's usually the guy who does this." Shirabu continued as Semi sent a glare in his direction.

Goshiki, who's busy eating his lunch, chimed in. "Get with the times, Shirabu. Girls can serenade too."

"Exactly. Have you heard (Name)-san sing? She's brilli—"

Wait, what? You were about to bite down on your sandwich when your brain finally processed what they just said. Hara—what? Serenade, who? You turned to look at Semi, "Wait—This is the plan?" You asked.

"Yes."

"No."

The trio paused, then Goshiki spoke. "But (Name)-san—" Ah, crap.

You scratched the back of your neck sheepishly, "Don't get me wrong, Semi-kun. I'm grateful that you guys are willing to help me—"

"More like obliged—"

"Shut up, Shirabu."

You looked down, fiddling with the fabric of your blazer. "But don't you think serenading Wakatoshi is a bit..too much?"

"Yeah, what (Name)-san said. Besides, there's no way in hell we're gonna get (Name)-san into the boys' dorm undetected." Shirabu was being awfully pessimistic but you gotta admit, he has a point— _even though, you snuck into Toshi's dorm room many times already_.

Drowning out the sound of Shirabu and Semi's banter, you thought about the ash blonde's suggestion. 

Troy serenaded Gabriella in High School Musical and it worked. He even climbed up a goddamn tree. Semi knows how to play musical instruments. You know how to sing.

_And there's no tree to climb in the boys' dorms._

You've got nothing to lose. But then you thought about Shirabu's reasons. While it is true that you can sneak into the dorms, serenading Wakatoshi can draw other people's attention. The boys might not get into too much trouble, you, on the other hand..

"We can't get risk getting caught. I don't want want you to get in trouble because of me."

"(Name)-san.." There was a hesitant look on their faces. "I told Toshi I'll write him another letter. I should probably just do that—"

"No! No! Don't you want to confess in a spontaneous manner?!"

You chuckled nervously. They're getting riled up over your confession, and you don't know whether it's a good thing or a bad thing.

Goshiki continued, "Each one of us, except for Ushijima-san, knows about it."

You gaped. You knew you were obvious, but you didn't know you were _THAT_ obvious! Goddammit, Semi was right. You're terrible at hiding your feelings. Maybe you should work on your subtlety skills? Is there even such a thing?

"Which just proves how oblivious Ushijima-san is when it comes to romance."

"Goshiki that's awfully blunt and kinda harsh."

You laughed at Shirabu's comment. It's true. He is oblivious. Which means...

"He needs a more direct confession. Which is why we should do this harana! Please, (Name)-san!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to serenade or not to serenade? that is the question.
> 
> also, harana is a tradition in the Philippines wherein men try to woo a lady by singing to her window at night. unfortunately, not a lot of ppl follow this particular tradition anymore (bc of modernization) which is why it's considered as something only old-fashioned or hopeless romantics would do.
> 
> just a little history lesson, okay thanks byeee


	4. Disguises and Love Songs

"I can't believe we're doing this," Shirabu mumbled softly, standing in front of the boys' dorms. Following behind him were Goshiki, Semi and another student wearing a very baggy uniform. A rather suspicious student.

That student was you.

And you're two seconds away from backing the hell out of this plan.

"Shut up, Shirabu! You might blow (Name)-san's cover!"

"You're not making it any better by screaming, Semi!"

"Stop screaming everyone!" You exclaimed in a not-so-subtle and definitely in a not-so-masculine way. Tugging at the baggy blazer, you looked around for passersby before speaking once again. "We seriously need to keep moving before anyone starts suspecting anything."

The trio raised their brows in amusement and a grin plastered it's way onto their faces. "Oho—Eager to sing your heart out for Ushijima-san, eh?"

"W-What— No! I just want to get out of this uniform!" That part was kinda true.

Somehow, these three "borrowed" someone else's "spare" uniform. Take note of the quotation marks because they didn't exactly give you much information to work with.

"Don't worry about it, (Name)-san!" They said, and to be honest, you didn't want to know the truth.

So, here you are. Wearing some poor student's uniform as an attempt at sneaking into the boys' dorm. You knew there are _much_ better ways of getting inside, but you're not exposing your secrets. Yet.

Like typical dorms, there's a person (either a security guard or someone from the teaching staff) by the gates checking who goes in and out of the dormitory.

Other students are definitely not allowed inside, and parents can only visit if they have a visitor's pass or if it's an emergency. They've been extremely strict with dorm policies, which made sneaking in quite difficult—the scars on your knees and elbows are proof, but that's another story.

Luckily, the strictness didn't last long. Or maybe you just got better at climbing the dorm fences. Either way, the staff became a bit..relaxed with the policies.

They used to check the students' IDs to make sure that you _are_ a student of Shiratorizawa. Not anymore. Lucky for you.

Then again, you're pretty sure that these three will find a way to "borrow" someone else's ID for you to use or make you a fake one. 

Semi, Shirabu, and Goshiki; volleyball players at day, con artists at night. What a concept.

As you walk over to the gate, you try to adjust the beanie that's been keeping your long hair hidden. The trio surrounds you with their tall frames, hoping that you'll blend in despite your oversized disguise.

Looking back on all the times you snuck into the boys' dormitory, you think about the kind-looking old man who'd stand by the gates. 

You think to yourself, maybe this won't be so hard. 

Its an old man, how hard can it be? You just hoped that he doesn't have the eyes of an eagle because you looked extremely out of place with this baggy uniform.

Just chill, (Name). You think to yourself. You'll be fine.

You look up, expecting to see the same old ma—wait. That's not an old man. 

That's Dwayne Johnson's Japanese counterpart.

Goddammit.

Your eyes widened as you stared at the person standing by the gate. Instead of a short, elderly male with grey hair—it was a tall and bulky man. Shiny bald head, furrowed brows, a scowl on his face—he looks like one of those wrestlers you've seen on TV once. He could probably rip you to shreds if he tried.

Standing there with a menacing aura, he watched as the boys walked past the gates.

Your fight or flight instincts were immediately triggered. Shirabu seemed to take notice of this but he chose to remain silent. Instead, he simply nodded towards Goshiki who approached the scary man with a determined face.

If you weren't in this situation, you would've laughed because of course, _of course Goshiki would be the distraction_.

Semi walked beside you, carrying a guitar case with his other hand. He sent you a look that screams "Act normal".

He did comment on your inability to be subtle after all.

"Watari-san, how are you today?" You hear Goshiki ask as you walked past the gates with Semi and Shirabu.

The scary guard simply grunted in response, and for a second his eyes flitted towards your direction. "Wait." His voice boomed out and you stopped in your tracks.

The two males walking with you paused as well, with Semi being the one to turn around to face the guard. "Something wrong, Watari-san?" He asked, eyes meeting yours for a split second.

His hand was gripping the straps tightly, trying hard not to show any emotion that could rouse suspicion. Meanwhile, Shirabu chewed on his bottom lip, beginning to formulate alibis in case things go south.

You, on the other hand, started reciting prayers in your head. Eyes looking up at the sky, begging for whichever deity to send divine intervention.

Gods, please help. I know I'm a sinner but please, send help. You think to yourself.

"What guitar is that?" the guard spoke, breaking the terrifying silence.

"Uh.. It's a Fender."

After that, there was even more silence.

"Simple but high-quality, good choice."

"Watari-san, you're a musician too?" Goshiki quipped.

"My husband and I were in a band."

Maybe the guard is not as scary as you thought he'd be.

* * *

After that whole guitar fiasco, the four of you headed to Semi's dorm room. Setting the guitar case down, the third year heaved a sigh. "That was stressful." He grumbled.

Shirabu and Goshiki went ahead and retired to their respective dorm rooms. Goshiki promised that he'd be back as soon as possible because he wants to "see Ushijima-senpai's reaction to (Name)-san's singing!"

You, on the other hand, finally took off the "borrowed" uniform, revealing the purple and white tracksuit you were wearing underneath. You sighed in relief, snatching the remote for the air conditioner, adjusting it to a cooler temperature. Wearing all those layers and the heart-stopping anxiety got you sweating bullets.

"Sorry you had to go through that, (Name)-san." Semi said, while tuning his guitar. 

"Don't apologize, Semi-kun." You chuckled in response, a sheepish grin on your features. It was very unexpected. You can now officially brag about disguising yourself to sneak into the boys' dorm. Nice.

Adrenaline was still pumping through your veins, and all you can think about is Wakatoshi.

You think about his reaction (or lack thereof) when you tell him about this whole fiasco. You think about his reaction when you serenade him—which still terrifies you, by the way. Will he accept your song-performance-slash-confession? Or will he reject you and break ties with you forever?

You hate your brain for overthinking sometimes, you wished you can just shut down and not worry about anything. But that's easier said than done.

"You really think this would work, Semi-kun?" You ask, looking up at the male with hope flickering in your (eye color) gaze.

If he was being completely honest, Semi would've said, "I don't know." Because he really doesn't know. Their captain shows little to no emotion at most times, he doesn't get jokes and figurative language, he's blunt, he's oblivious, he's strong, he's skilled.

Does Ushijima-kun like (Name)-san in a romantic way? Maybe? He's not even sure if the ace is capable of loving something that's not volleyball.

Much like the (color)-haired female, Semi has little to no experience when it comes to love. While there's the usual admirers that comes with being a member of Shiratorizawa's volleyball club, Semi has never gotten the chance to pursue someone romantically and vice versa. Which is why, it's difficult for him to give you a concrete answer.

Love is complicated. He thinks.

Taking notice of Semi's hesitation and silence, you decided to change the topic. How would you expect him to answer? He's already done so much to help you do this.

Sure, it's risky, spontaneous, and downright crazy. But the fact that they're willing to do all this. Just for a confession? Man, these guys are the MVPs. 

"You wanna practice while we wait for the others?"

* * *

"Semi-Semi! Open up!" Tendou came knocking on the door, while you were in the middle of rehearsing. You turned towards Semi, with a questioning look.

"Tendou is in on the plan too!?" You whisper-yelled at him. Semi shrugged, placing his guitar down before standing up to open the door.

"(Name)-chan! Helloooo~!" The redhead greeted as he rushed inside the room. "I see you're getting ready for the confession-concert~"

"Confession-concert is a moutful." Semi chimed in.

"Con-con, then?"

"No."

"Awww, come on. It should have a cool name!"

* * *

There's a first for everything, you think to yourself as you stand next to Semi—fidgeting with the zipper of your jacket. You're currently at the back of the dorm building. A small grassy area surrounded by fences (ones that you've climbed multiple times).

Tendou, an overly excited Goshiki, and a hesitant Shirabu stands behind you. If you look up, you'd see the dorm building.

Second floor, third window. That's where Ushijima's room is.

You're scared. Cold hands, teeth digging into your bottom lip, you watched as Tendou take a bamboo pole—

_Wait, where the hell did that come from?_

And tap it against Ushijima's window.

Tap. Tap tap.

There it was again, your fight or flight instincts kicking in. Your brain feels like it's about to go haywire, thinking of possible outcomes.

Is he going to come out? Is he sleeping? Why is he taking so long? God, I want to go back to my dorm. I don't wanna do this anymo—

"(Name)-san. Breathe." Semi's soft voice echoed in your ears. Snapping out of your train of thought, you took a deep and shaky breath.

Calm down. Count from one to ten.

One. Two. Three. Four. Fi—

Semi's hand tapped on the guitar. It's time.

One. Two.

One. Two. Three.

The sound of Semi's guitar started resonating throughout the area.

Ushijima's head poked out of the window and almost immediately, his gaze landed on your form. His eyes widened with recognition, and you gave him a crooked smile.

_**"I have a question,"**_ you began

Brows furrowed, a towel on his shoulders, hair still wet. Confusion was written all over his face. Opening his mouth to respond, you immediately cut him off.

_**"It might seem strange,** _  
_**How are your lungs?** _  
_**Are they in pain?"** _

Tendou and company we're obviously enjoying this way more than they should. Here you are, singing to Ushijima—who's probably taking every lyric in a literal way.

It's just too good to be true.

_**"Cuz, mine are aching,** _  
_**Think I know why.** _  
_**I kinda like it though.** _  
_**You wanna try?"** _

Your heart was beating so fast, you feel like you're about to explode.

Here goes nothing.

_**"Oh, would you be so kind** _  
_**As to fall in love with me?"** _

Ushijima froze, his breath hitched as he gripped the window frame. He couldn't look away. 

He didn't want to.

**_"You see, I'm trying_ **  
**_I know you know that I like you,_ **  
**_But that's not enough_ **  
**_So if you will,"_ **

You look up, cheeks flushed red as you stare back at him. Wearing your heart on your sleeve, eyes filled with hope and affection, you sang.

**_"Please fall in love with me."_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love dodie, thank you v much
> 
> also yayyyy mc did the serenade , srry this update took longer than i wanted, i got kinda lost and couldn't figure out how to write this ;;;


	5. Unspoken Feelings and Misunderstandings

Ushijima Wakatoshi is a man of little words and emotion. He doesn't talk much, but he has his way with words that makes your heart skip a beat. He doesn't have a very poetic vocabulary, he says what's on his mind and he doesn't sugarcoat words. He keeps a straight face most of the time and throughout the years, you think there's nothing more rewarding that seeing his smile.

You knew every single little thing about him the same way he knew yours. The way the corners of his mouth would twitch whenever he's with his teammates. The glimmer in his eyes whenever they win a match. You knew how much respect and love he has for his father. How dedicated he is towards volleyball.

You've seen him grow, both literally and figuratively. You're witness to all the hardships he went through, all the trainings, and the harsh punishments. You were there during his highs and lows. During that time he pushed himself so much so he had exercise-induced leg pains.

Toshi, take a break. Toshi, get more sleep. Toshi, keep yourself hydrated. Toshi, don't skip your meals. Toshi, please.

You've grown used to his stoic face, the comforting silence when you're together, the unspoken connection between you two.

Which is why you were taken aback when he reacted differently after your serenade.

* * *

"Please fall in love with me."

Strumming the guitar chords for a couple more times, you and Semi finally ended the song with a huge smile on your faces. It was exhilarating, and you still can't believe the fact that you really did this.

It's all so unreal and the adrenaline was running through your veins.

After the song, Tendo, Goshiki, and Shirabu, gave a round of applause to the both of you. "Bravo, (Name)-chan and Semi-Semi!" The redhead cheered as he looked up to face Ushijima. "Heyyy, Wakatoshi-kun, why don't you come down here and join u—"

Heavy footsteps came from behind the group, and a loud voice interrupts.

"What the hell are you doing out here!?" It was one of the teaching staff. Right, they usually do patrols every night to make sure that everyone's inside their dorms. Crap.

"(Name)-san! Hide!" Semi tugged at your tracksuit, pushing you towards the bushes.

Color drained from all of your faces, and you looked up to see Ushijima's reaction.

Except he wasn't up there anymore.

Ducking behind the bushes, you listened carefully as the footsteps grew louder and louder. Your heart was pounding, sweat dripping down your forehead. You haven't been caught before. Well, mostly because you just stayed inside Ushijima's room. But this, this one's different.

"Saito-sensei!" Goshiki exclaimed, and you swear you could hear him shaking.

"It's past curfew, why are you out of your rooms?" The man asked with a roaring voice that made you flinch.

"Eh? It is?" Tendou chimed, and there was silence for a couple of seconds. "Semi wanted to practice playing the guitar and we wanted to listen. Must've lost track of time."

"Our Semi-Semi's a great musician and a brilliant volleyball player at the same time, don't you think so, Saito-sensei?"

Then, it was Semi's turn to speak. "I just wanted to make sure that I still have the same passion for music. Volleyball may be my priority as of now, but I just can't let go of my other hobbies that easily." There was a slight pause after that, and you assumed that the teacher was trying to see if they're telling the truth. You just hoped that they weren't making any weird reactions that might give it away.

"Alright. I'll let you off the hook this time." You almost sighed in relief. Almost.

"I don't want this to happen again, you hear me? Now get back to your dorms."

"Yes, sensei!" Soon enough, you heard the teacher's footsteps fade away.

Almost immediately, the boys approached your hiding spot and asked if you were alright. "That was scary!" Goshiki exclaimed, shuddering slightly. "What do we do now? We have to go before Saito-sensei comes back."

"Right! (Name)-san, would you like one of us to walk you back to the girls do—" You heard footsteps once again, but they weren't the same. Turning around, your (color) eyes widened at the sight of Ushijima standing there. Brows furrowed, chest heaving like he ran all the way from second floor to here.

His gaze switched from the boys to you, and you knew. The expression on his face was definitely not a happy one.

* * *

You can't remember the last time (or if there even was a time) you had an argument with Wakatoshi. You two got along so well and were so in sync with each other. Sure, there are some instances where Wakatoshi would say something that would come off as a little mean but you know that it wasn't his intention to offend you—he's just brutally honest. You like to think of yourself as a very understanding person, someone who would listen to both sides before coming to a conclusion. You hated arguments, and Wakatoshi just so happens to be the kind of person who's least likely to start one. Your friendship was built on trust and your remarkable understanding of each other's personalities; and you are more than grateful to have someone like him in your life.

Which is why its heartbreaking to see the look on Wakatoshi's face as the two of you sat in his dorm room.

All of you immediately found out that there's something wrong when Wakatoshi arrived. Semi tried to talk, to explain, but Wakatoshi had already grabbed your wrist and was tugging you away from the group. You couldn't do anything but look back with an apologetic frown, mouthing 'I'm sorry' as you disappeared with their captain.

"T-Toshi.." You tried to talk to him, but the way his shoulders tensed up, his grip was tight but not tight enough to hurt—you knew that Wakatoshi was upset. You assume that he's upset with you and the gang, and that's what makes this worse. You know how to calm him down when he's upset about something, but how are you supposed to do that when you're the reason why he's feeling this way in the first place?

The two of you entered his room, the door shutting with a soft 'click'. Wakatoshi motioned for you to sit on the bed, while he stood by his study table. Plopping down on his bed, you mustered up the courage to look at his face. His hair was slightly damp, and you assumed that he just came out of the shower when you serenaded him. His fists were clenched, eyes narrowed into slits as if he was in deep thought. Even when he's mad, he still looks so...

"You were being reckless." He spoke, refusing to meet your gaze. "You almost got caught by one of the teaching staff."

You opened your mouth, but then closed it again. How are you going to talk your way out of this? "I know, but I didn't get caught. That's what matters." Okay, that did not sound as great as you thought it would be.

Wakatoshi's brows twitched at your statement. He turned to face you, "Why did you do it in the first place? You know better than to do something so reckless and stupid."

Ouch. "It wasn't stupid!" You barked back. Yes, what you did was risky but he didn't have to be so harsh! You did it for him, dammit!

"Yes, it was! Who knows what could've happened if you got caught! You could be suspended—or worse, expelled!" You never heard Wakatoshi get riled up like this before. If this were a normal situation, you would've joked about his tone.

Gripping the neatly folded blanket on his bed, you took a deep breath. You don't want to yell. You don't want the students next door to hear and report to the teachers. "You think I don't know that? I know what the consequences are!"

"And you still did it? When did you become so—"

His eyes were burning with strong emotions. Was it anger? Worry? You didn't know. All you knew was that emotions are getting the best of you two. How could he say this to you? You just wanted to show him how you feel! You just wanted to confess, goddammit.

"I did it for you, Wakatoshi!" You exclaimed, vision blurred with tears. You hate this, You hate fighting.

If you weren't trying to blink away the tears, you would've noticed Wakatoshi's gaze soften. He knew you were an angry crier, and he wanted nothing than to scoop you up in his arms and keep you there.

But Wakatoshi is stubborn. So damn stubborn that he was forcing himself to steel his resolve. You did something risky, and almost got in trouble for it. He wouldn't forgive himself if you got expelled because of him and his teammates. He knew how hard you worked just to get a scholarship in Shiratorizawa. He was there when you stayed up all night, reading books, writing down notes, memorizing definitions and formulas. Wakatoshi was not a very religious person, but he accompanied you to a shrine in your hometown—where you prayed for the gods to help you pass the entrance exam. Hands clasped together, you both kneeled before the shrine. He memorized the look on your face that day.

He remembers the way your eyes squeezed shut, your soft lips moving slowly as you whispered your prayers. He remembers your warm hands entwined with his, how they seemed to fit perfectly in his grasp, as if they were meant to be there. He remembers how your (color) hair swayed due to the cold breeze. He remembers feeling warm, the feeling in his chest that lingered—something that he couldn't understand nor explain. He remembers your soft voice, asking him what he prayed for.

" _I prayed for your happiness._ " He said without hesitance.

Before he knew, he was back in the present. There you sat, in front of him, fighting back the crocodile tears that threaten to spill down your cheeks. "What?" He asked cluelessly. "What do you mean? You did something that could've cost your scholarship for me?" He was taken aback.

"Toshi, did you even listen to my song?" Your voice was laced with sorrow, and it left a stinging pain in Wakatoshi's chest. He paused, looking away.

That seemed like enough of an answer for you. "I see." Resignation. It tasted bitter in your tongue. Was he really that oblivious? Is he numb? Perhaps he just doesn't feel the same way. Maybe the only love he can accept in his life is his love for volleyball. Maybe you were just bad at expressing your romantic feelings.

You're lost. And so was he.

Why couldn't he say something? Wakatoshi knew he was bad at verbal communication, but he's never been this...speechless before. What was he supposed to say? How will you react if he told you that no, he wasn't listening. He wasn't listening because he got lost. He got lost in your gaze when he saw you standing there with this big smile, underneath the moonlight. He got lost when you started singing, that lovely voice of yours echoing in his ears, making his heart skip a beat. How does he tell you that?

How will he explain to you that he was..what was it? Lovestruck? So much so that everything else disappears when you're around? How? Wakatoshi is so lost. If only he could tell you what was on his mind. But before he could even try, you were already on your way out.

"I'm going back to my dorm. Good night, Toshi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to sprinkle a tiny bit of angst, what do yall think hehe ;>
> 
> i feel like ushijima takes school and volleyball seriously, so he'd be real upset if smth were to put his or mc's school status at risk?? does this make sense?? ionno ;; he just a giant that worries too much pls
> 
> also, thank you for all the nice comments!!11 im still not used to using this site so i didnt get to see and reply to the comments immediately ;; thank you so much for all the love omg ok byeee


	6. Silent Treatment and Popcorn

"(Name)-san.." A stuttering Goshiki entered your classroom during lunch break, almost a week after the incident. There was a small part of you that knew something like this would happen. You knew that one way or another, the gang will try and apologize, and you were right.

Placing down your chopsticks, you watched as the black-haired male stood in front of your table. He kept his head down, refusing to look into your eyes. You couldn't tell if he was scared or embarrassed, or maybe both.

Seeing him like this made you feel bad, so you spoke. "Goshiki-kun, you know you don't have to apologise." You said calmly, motioning for him to sit down. Poor boy's been trembling.

"B-But (Name)-san..!! If we didn't ask you to do this serenade then you and Ushijima-san wouldn't be fighting—"

Right. You had a fight with Ushijima.

Well, you wouldn't exactly call it a fight. Your definition of a fight is throwing hands at each other, and you're a hundred percent sure you'll end up losing against that giant. Instead, you chose to call it a misunderstanding. A failure in communication. A disruptive event that drove a wedge in your friendship with Ushijima. It was an explosive argument that caused collateral damage—

Okay, fine. You two fought.

But that doesn't mean it's the gang's fault. They were part of it, sure, but they don't have to take all of the blame for something that _you_ agreed to partake in. "It's my fault too, Goshiki. You and the others don't need to apologize."

Finally lifting his head to meet your gaze, Goshiki was taken aback to see a gentle smile on your face. You're too kind, he thinks. First, they unintentionally ruin your letter. Then, they try to make it up to you with this crazy plan which almost ends up in flames causing an argument between you and Ushijima.

Yet, even after all that, you still managed to smile and tell him that it wasn't his and the other's fault?

It made him feel even worse.

"Goshiki-kun," his eyes met yours and it felt like you knew exactly what was in his mind.

"Wakatoshi and I will be fine, okay?" You tilted your head to the side, standing up to pat him on the head. Goshiki could only nod in response, still too anxious to say anything else. "Now, why don't you sit here with me and we can have lunch together?"

* * *

"Man, where the hell's Goshiki?" Shirabu grumbled as he sat on their usual spot in the cafeteria. Since the serenade, you and Ushijima have been avoiding each other. Wait, scratch that. It's actually you keeping distance from Ushijima, who seems to be unbothered by your absence.

But the team knew. They might not seem to understand him very well, but they knew that underneath that stoic face lies a very troubled man.

They immediately found out the day after the incident. The gang made sure to apologize to Ushijima about what happened, and the man simply replied with a nod. They figured that he's still upset over it and decided not to mention anything about what happened.

That day, as they walked past your classroom— they noticed how Ushijima lagged behind, as if waiting to see if you would come out and join them. When you didn't, his lips curved into a scowl. A familiar gloomy aura surrounded him, scaring the rest of the students in the hall.

He'd sit at the table, quietly eating his lunch as the rest of the group chatted away. Tendou's eyes would sparkle with amusement, knowing the reason why their Captain's acting like this. He noticed how Ushijima's eyes would land towards the spot where you usually sat, then he'd try to subtly scan the room to look for you.

Ushijima was a quiet man, and it's hard to know what's running through that mind of his. But at that moment, everyone knew something was off. Everyone, and by everyone I mean Tendou and the gang, can read what was going on in the ace's mind.

Where's (Name)?

"He said he had something important to do," Semi answered, taking a sip from his water bottle. He knew where Goshiki went, and he wanted to come as well. However, he kept thinking about how the serenade was his idea, and that it was probably his fault. He knew you'd say otherwise, but for now, he'd like to stew in guilt. He just hoped that he could do something to help you make up with Ushijima, and that this time, it won't go wrong.

* * *

"T-Thank you for sharing your lunch with me, (Name)-san!" Goshiki exclaimed with a bow after you both finished your meals. Seriously, this boy is too pure and your motherly instincts are getting triggered. Tucking away the lunchbox and water bottle, you smiled at him. "It's no problem, Goshiki-kun. I'm glad you enjoyed my cooking."

In all honesty, you were glad that he was there to eat with you. Mostly because it feels lonely eating by yourself in the classroom, but also, you've gotten used to sharing your lunch with Wakatoshi. You always end up making more food than what you normally eat because you knew that Wakatoshi would want some too.

But since you two aren't talking to each other for the past few days, you're stuck with leftovers and loneliness. Making lunch for the both of you has been a part of your daily routine, and it's a hard habit to break. Also, there's a huge part of you that hopes he'll come by and you two would eat lunch together again.

Five days and you're suffering because you miss him so much. You wonder if he misses you too.

Soon enough, the bell rang and Goshiki bids you goodbye. He walks out of your classroom, but then runs back in a few seconds later. "(Name)-san!"

"Did you forget something, Goshiki-kun?" You asked.

"There's going to be a friendly match this Friday. Would you like to watch us play?"

* * *

You've been watching Wakatoshi play volleyball since you were children, so it's only natural for you to attend every single one of his games. You'd sit there at the bleachers, cheering for him and at certain times, you'd come over during breaks to hand him water and the likes.

Everyone saw how supportive you were not only towards Wakatoshi but the entire team. At some point, Coach Washijo asked if you would like to be a manager. 

You don't know why you didn't take his offer.

Maybe it's because you'd be around Wakatoshi for longer periods of time, and you're not yet ready to put your heart through that kind of torture. However, if you were to ask the rest of the volleyball club—they definitely want you to take the position.

Mainly because Wakatoshi seems to be more...determined and powerful when you're around. 

Friday came quicker than you expected, and in all honesty, you've never felt this scared of going to a volleyball game before. You still haven't talked to Wakatoshi, and it's killing you inside. You hate this feeling. You've been with each other for so long and it's painfully difficult to see him on campus and avoid him like the plague.

Your classmates have been asking you to have lunch with them for the past few days, but you knew that Wakatoshi would be there too. You're being stubborn and perhaps a tiny bit prideful, but you don't want him standing 4 feet away from you. Not after he called you confession stupid.

Giant didn't even listen to your song. Hmph.

Anyways, you paced back and forth in your dorm room, debating on whether or not you should go to the game. If you went, you'll definitely see Wakatoshi there. But if you didn't, Goshiki and the others would be sad.

Ah, goddammit. Why did you have to be so soft for those guys?

"(Name)-chan!" Your classmates knocked on your door. "We're going to be late for the game, let's go!"

Crap. How do you tell your friends that you can't go because your best friend-slash-crush is going to be there? How do you tell your friends that you don't want to watch because your heart's beating too quickly at the thought of seeing Wakatoshi play?

The answer is, you don't.

Picking up your bag, you opened the door to greet your classmates. "Let's go!" You walked towards the gymnasium, praying to the gods for strength and courage.

Love sucks. Love sucks a lot. You keep thinking to yourself. If your heart could just calm down for a moment, and if your brain could just stop thinking about that damn Wakatoshi then you'd be fine.

"(Name)-chan, aren't you going to sit at the front?" One of your classmates, Mari asked. You shook your head, sitting down on a vacant spot. "I want to sit here, y'know... Just for a change. The view's nicer here."

"(Name)-chan, you're literally hiding behind these very tall 3rd years. Stand up, we're sitting at the front."

"Mari—Please, no!"

* * *

"Heyyyy, Semi-Semi!" Tendou exclaimed as he draped an arm over the blonde's shoulder. "What's wrong, huh? You looking for someone~?" He asked after noticing the other male who kept glancing at the bleachers.

"Goshiki said he invited (Name)-san to watch us. But I can't find her anywhere."

After hearing this, Tendou turned his face to look up at the bleachers where his schoolmates are. Eyes flitting around for a few seconds, he saw no signs of a familiar (color)-haired female.

"(Name)-san always watches our games. I just hope _he_ doesn't get too affected by her absence." Semi continued, motioning towards Ushijima.

"Ehh, he'll be fine." Tendou's grinned, patting Semi on the shoulder. "How can you be so sure?"

"Cuz (Name)-chan just sat on the front row."

* * *

"I hate you, Mari." You grumbled as you sat on your usual spot. Keeping your head down, you tried to avoid looking towards Wakatoshi and the rest of the team. You don't know if he knew you were there. You just don't want to look at him.

On the other hand, your friend simply shrugged, shoving popcorn into her mou— "This isn't a movie, why are you eating that!?"

"I don't know much about sports, (Name)-chan. But I do know one thing." She moved the bucket of popcorn towards you, and of course, you had to grab a handful as well.

"A match between Shiratorizawa and Aoba Johsai is more intense than any movie I've ever seen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh oh what's going on
> 
> also, ionno how to write the scene where they start playing volleyball so I'll prolly just skip over it in the next update,,, I'm sorry ;;;;-;;;
> 
> again, thank you for all the nice comments, I rlly appreciate them ;;


	7. Weaknesses and Introductions

When it comes to all matters related to volleyball, you can guarantee that Ushijima Wakatoshi will be giving his undivided attention and concentration. He's well aware of his skillset in the sport, his knowledge, and his unmatched thirst for victory. This man is determined and will not let anything stop him from his passion. 

Hence why it was extremely odd when he couldn't feel the same burning passion inside him during their match with Aoba Johsai.

It's been a few days since you walked out of his dorm room, and Wakatoshi wasn't feeling too well about the whole fiasco. You two never fought like that before, and a part of him felt like it was his own fault. He shouldn't have been so harsh on you. He should've tried to chase after you, to explain and apologize. Tell you that he was just worried. That he didn't want you to get in trouble.

And that he cares about you so much.

But no, Wakatoshi was stubborn and painfully oblivious. He didn't want to admit, or perhaps he was so lost to even do so. He has no idea on how to deal with his feelings, even worse, with yours. He was the kind of person who religiously follows a strict routine, he relies in logic and factual information— things that are certain. Which is why he's completely lost when things don't turn out the way he expects them to be. He hates unpredictability. He hates not knowing what to do. He hates feeling confused.

After the fight, Wakatoshi sat there wishing that he was good with emotions like he was good at volleyball.

If only it was that easy.

The need to talk to you was unbearable, and Wakatoshi almost gave in. But he respected your feelings and boundaries. You need time for yourself, you need some space, he thinks and did exactly that. He figured that you'll come speak to him when you're finally ready. When you're not mad at him anymore.  
He just needs to be patient. That's right. Patience and understanding. He'll wait for you. He'll be calm and collected and—

Okay, goddammit, he misses you.

So much that he's starting to lose concentration during trainings. Unbelievable, right? Miracle boy of Shiratorizawa, Ushijima Wakatoshi, distracted? While playing volleyball? The world must be ending.

He could barely register what was going on during practice because he was too busy thinking about you. What are you currently doing? Have you eaten? Are you okay? He always finds himself worrying over the littlest of things when it comes to you. His spikes were inconsistent during the past few days, leading to punishment of doing the same thing a hundred times.

He doesn't even notice the pain, the usual soreness after training. Instead, there was something else. A stinging in his chest, a heavy feeling on his shoulders, a bitter taste in his mouth. It was terrible, and a small part of him knew that it's all because of you.

"Look! (Name)-san made it!" Goshiki pointed out to the others as Wakatoshi's eyes immediately landed on your form. His breathing stopped, an odd sense of relief washing over him.

You're here. You're watching.

Wakatoshi can't recall a time when you weren't in one of his games. "Of course, I'd be there. I'm like your lucky charm, Toshi!" You told him one time during middle school, and he believed it. He feels more at ease, more confident when you're there to support him. It's as if he was playing for you too. His victory is yours too.

At the same time, he felt terrible for not telling you about the game. Would you still come if Goshiki didn't invite you? Would you still support him even though you currently aren't on speaking terms?

His eyes never left your form, and for a moment he wished that you'd turn to look at him. He wanted to see your face. He wanted to see that goofy smile you always give him before the game starts.

But before you could do so, his teammates were already motioning for him to line up.

* * *

Oikawa Tooru is a man who takes pride on his exceptional skill in volleyball. He worked hard to get where he was. Blood, sweat, and tears were shed just to reach the apex of achievements that he claimed. Howbeit, in spite of all this, he hungers for more. It's not enough. It's never enough. Like an insatiable beast, he chases and chases; he'll fight and fight. To get to the very top. Oikawa is applauded for his strength, his intelligence with the sport, his ability to bring out the best in his team. He's confident enough to be able to reach the Nationals. He just needs to overcome the biggest obstacle in his way.

That obstacle is Ushijima Wakatoshi. That damn bastard.

He's been a thorn in Oikawa's side for God knows how long. The frustration turned into anger, then resentment. Just the thought of Ushiwaka causes a scowl to appear on Oikawa's face.

As both teams prepare, Oikawa's eyes land upon his rival's stature. How many times have they been in this situation? Their coach said it was just a friendly match. Friendly? With Ushiwaka? No way in hell. His brown eyes narrowed in annoyance; brows knitted together as he watched the other male. If it weren't for his observant trait, Oikawa wouldn't have noticed that something seems off with his opponent. Being someone who rarely shows emotional distress, Ushijima can be very difficult to read.

This time, Oikawa can see the troubled look in his eyes. Okay, that's kinda creepy-ogling at your enemy like that. But its Ushiwaka, goddammit, and he's showing signs of weakness right now. Oikawa's lip twitched, fighting back a sneer. There truly is a first time for everything, he thinks to himself. He noticed how the ace lagged behind the group, eyes wandering somewhere. What is he looking at? Following the direction where Ushijima was facing, his brown eyes landed on the bleachers.

Is he searching for someone? Who is it? Oikawa thought. His eyes scanned the students, some sitting down, some cheering for Shiratorizawa. How the hell's he supposed to find out who caught that bastard's attention? Dammit. Nevermind, it's probably nothi--

"USHIJIMA! (NAME)-CHAN WISHES YOU GOOD LUCK!" A dark-haired student stood, yelling into a megaphone. Next to her was a (color)-haired female, who Oikawa assumed to be '(Name)-chan), shaking her head in disbelief as her friend cackled. Oikawa looked towards Ushiwaka-Eugh, is that a smile? What the hell.

"Did you see that, (Name)-chan!? He smiled! He smi--" "Mari, for the love of god, sit down!"

Oikawa's brows rose, amusement written all over his features while they proceeded to line up on the court. Standing before Ushijima, he grinned. "(Name)-chan, eh?" He muttered, causing the other male to look at him. "She's kinda cute." The brunette mused, causing Ushijima's brow to twitch slightly.

Bingo. Oikawa silently cheered in his head. 

"Aren't you supposed to focus on the match instead of some girl? Tsk, tsk." 

Ushiwaka's eyes had a certain glint in them when Oikawa said that. "She's not just 'some girl'."

That made Oikawa smirk. Did he hit a nerve? Great.

Ushiwaka has a weakness, Oikawa thinks to himself. His weakness is a girl. Huh, can you believe that?

The match was a tough battle as per usual. Oikawa's comments seem to have struck a chord within Ushijima, and he seems slightly unhinged. At some point, Iwaizumi Hajime had to pull Oikawa to the side and ask what he did piss Ushijima off. To which Oikawa responded with a simple shrug.

* * *

Shiratorizawa wins. Like the last time. Also the ones that came before that. However, after that very intense game, winning feels like such a huge relief. Its ecstatic, and you don't think you'll ever get used to that feeling. After the game, you immediately stood up, prepared to run out of the gym. Mari already caused so much chaos when she snatched the cheer squad's megaphone to expose you, and you can tell by her grin that she's up to something worse. You don't want to be part of whatever that is. You take a look towards Wakatoshi and his team, they're still cheering and celebrating. Great. You'll run while he's distracted.

Grabbing your backpack, you make your way towards the gym entrance. While doing so, you happened to pass by the other team. What were they called again? Aoba something--

"Hello~!" Ah, crap. Someone noticed you. "Leaving already?" Slowly, you turn around to face whoever it was. He's tall. Brown wavy hair with round eyes. He has this charming smile, the kind that will make the girls swoon. He's good-looking, sparkly too.

Crap. You think to yourself while you stare at this guy. You've seen this happen before. It's in every single rom-com that you watched. Of course, it has to be.

Standing there, with this charming smile, looking like a prince from a fairy tale.

The narcissist in you always thought about how your life is something from a cliché movie, and right now that might be true. You, as the protagonist; Wakatoshi, as the love interest.

And then this man. This man. He looks like the second lead that everyone wants.

"I'm Oikawa, and you are?" You need to run. Run, before you get entangled in some weird rivalry between these volleyball junkies.

"(Name). Nice to meet you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!! this chapter is a lil boring and rushed ;; it might take a while for the next update because college starts tomorrow :,c but I'll try my bestttt
> 
> anw, thank you to all the wonderful peeps who are leaving comments ;; your comments keep me inspired and motivated to write more. stay safe you lovelies, byeeeee


	8. Messenger Chats and New Friends

You have zero idea what you were getting into when you introduced yourself to Oikawa during Aoba Johsai and Shiratorizawa's friendly match. You found out from Mari, who chased after you when you walked out of the gym and started walking to the dorms, that Oikawa is the captain of Aoba Johsai's team. She also took the time to explain about the setter's one-sided resentment towards your best-friend-slash-crush.

"You see, they've been going at it since forever." Mari explained as she plopped down on your bed, eating the leftover popcorn from the game. "Oikawa wants to beat your man--" "Please don't call Toshi that." "--So they can advance to the Nationals!"

Sitting next to your friend, you shoved a handful of popcorn into your mouth as well. "Basically, what I'm saying is you just met your man's rival."

"And?"

Mari glared at you before shaking her head in disbelief. "You know all those rom-com movies you're watching? Yeah, those cheesy ones that have love triangles? That's going to be you soon."

* * *

Later that night, Oikawa reached out to you. And if you're thinking, why the hell would I give this random guy my number?

Well, you didnt.

He found you on Facebook and started bombarding your Messenger.

_Oikawa Tooru wants to send you a message._

_**Oikawa:**_

_**(Name)-chan! It's me~! <3** _

_sent 10:06 pm_

_If you reply, Oikawa will be able to call you and see information like your Active Status and when you've read messages._

_**Oikawa:**_

_**(** _ _**Name)-chaaan :DD** _

_**pls reply : <<** _

_**accept my friend request pls ;-;** _

_**u cant see but im batting my eyelashes for u hehe ; >>** _

_sent 10:12 pm_

_**You:** _

_**srry who** _

_**????** _

**_Oikawa:_ **

**_:O_ **

**_u forgot me already??? ;;_ **

**_so mean_ **

**_You:_ **

**_lol_ **

**_Oikawa:_ **

**_(name)-channnnnn : <_ **

**_ur making me cry_ **

**_You:_ **

**_how did u find me_ **

_**Oikawa:** _

_**i saw u tagged on ushiwaka's timeline D: <** _

_**i didnt even know he uses social media** _

_**You:** _

_**he doesn't** _

_**also u two are friends on facebook??** _

_**lmao** _

_**Oikawa:** _

_**then why bother having an account** _

_**!!!!** _

_Oikawa is typing.._

**_Oikawa:_ **

_**im unfriending him right now** _

_**but that's besides the point!!! D: <<** _

_**stop distracting me (Name)-chan! D: <** _

_**You:** _

_**Okay lol whaddya want** _

_**Oikawa:** _

_**I wanna be frrens** _

_**freridn** _

_**fireds** _

_**friends!!!!!!!** _

_**You:** _

_**rip to ur keyboard oikawa** _

_**but sure** _

_**Oikawa:** _

_**:00** _

_**really???** _

_**(Name)-chan???** _

_seen 10:53 pm_

_**You;** _

_**srry i was doing smth** _

_sent 11:08 pm_

_**Oikawa:** _

_**i thought u were joking about being friends w me :,, <** _

_**You:** _

_**no u dummy** _

_**i wanna be friends w u** _

_**Oikawa:** _

_**Yayyyy~! :,D** _

_**U just turned my day upside down (name)-chan** _

_**You:** _

_**oh right i forgot** _

_**u guys lost** _

_**Oikawa:** _

_**nvm i take it back** _

_**u just made my day worse (name)-chan** _

_**: <<** _

_**You:** _

_**lololol** _

_**srry pls forgive** _

_**Oikawa:** _

_**We'll beat Shiratorizawa next time.** _

_**You:** _

_**ur threatening my school??????** _

_**Oikawa:** _

_**yes D: <<** _

_**You:** _

**_for the record_ **

**_i think your jump serve is cool_ **

**_wait did i say it right_ **

**_its a serve right????_ **

**_i been watching volleyball for years and i still dunno lol_ **

**_Oikawa:_ **

**_:00_ **

**_: >>_ **

**_thank you (name)-chan <3_ **

**_and yes it is a jump serve_ **

You chatted for a while, and you found yourself smiling and even chuckling at Oikawa's antics. It's a new feeling. You're not one to stay up late chatting with people (specifically boys) online--well, mostly because Wakatoshi doesn't text that much. He'd much rather say it to you directly and bluntly.

During the entirety of your conversation with the setter, you realized how different they are. Wakatoshi and Oikawa. After saying good night to each other, Oikawa finally logged off and left you with your thoughts.

He's a weird guy, you think to yourself as you stared at his Facebook timeline. Weirdly nice. You scrolled even further, seeing that most of his posts are in public. There are posts about volleyball, a couple of alien-related memes _(First of all, why and what?)_ , and even more volleyball. Great, you just can't escape volleyball, can you?

As you continued to lowkey stalk Oikawa's timeline, your mind wandered off to think about Wakatoshi once again. You didn't congratulate him after the game like you usually do. Was he upset? Does he even care? Lips curling into a frown, you sighed. You miss him so much. You miss eating lunch with him. You miss hearing his voice, even though his replies would be limited to a short sentence.

'Wakatoshi, you have no idea what you do to my heart.'

It was bad enough that you've been hiding your feelings from him for god knows how long. This silent treatment left you pining after him even more. You just want things to go back to normal.

Placing your phone down, you sighed and closed your eyes--drifting of into unconsciousness.

You dreamt of Mikasa volleyballs and brown eyes.

* * *

Ushijima Wakatoshi never saw you after the match, and it was bothering him. He always takes pride in his team's victory but this time, he felt even prouder. After Oikawa's comment about you, Ushijima felt different. There was a fire that ignited within him, but it was far from the usual burning passion that he gets during their games. It's something else.

Hearing your name spill from Oikawa's lips, his taunting smirk. His words echoed in Ushijima's mind, and he wanted nothing than to take the opposing team down. Winning felt different too. His heart swelled with so much pride, almost wanting to rub it in Oikawa's face. It was oddly uncharacteristic of him to feel that way. He was confused.

So he told Tendou Satori. And when he did, Tendou cackled. His laughter filled the entire room. He laughed so hard tears started brimming his eyes.

"Wakatoshi-kun, that's called possessiveness." He finally calmed down after a few moments, pausing to catch his breath. Ushijima, on the other hand, was even more confused.

Poor guy's struggling with his own feelings.

"What am I being possessive of?" He asked, looking genuinely lost, which made the redhead bite down on his lip to stop himself from laughing once again. "(Name)-chan, obviously!"

"You felt possessive because Oikawa mentioned her, yes?" Tendou raised an eyebrow, leaning forward. Ushijima's brows we're knitted together, eyes narrowed into slits as he tried to think about this 'explanation'.

Oikawa has a knack for sending taunts and teasing remarks during matches, not only to Ushijima but other teams as well. The ace was quite used to his opponents quirks so it didn't really affect him that much. But when Oikawa said your name, it struck a chord within Ushijima. He never felt such distaste for someone like that.

He didn't like it when your name came out of Oikawa's mouth, even worse when Oikawa looked at you. Is this what it means to be possessive? Why would he feel that way?

It was almost as if Tendou could read his mind, because the redhead spoke once again. "You know you should just tell (Name)-chan you like her, right?" Ushijima paused.

"She already knows I like her, she's my best friend—"

Tendou winced and shook his head in disapproval. "No, no, no. Y'see that's the problem here, you're in denial."

In denial of what? Ushijima wanted to ask. Of course he likes you, you've been with him since you two were little. His life would be completely different without your presence. Did he perhaps gave you the impression that he doesn't enjoy your company? Maybe he's been doing something wrong, and it all started to build up. Now he's unsure. When did he ever tell you that he liked you? Maybe that's why you two fought, because he didn't tell you that?

You've always been there to support him. To help him with almost everything. When was the last time he did something special for you? Did he make you feel unappreciated?

Tendou is wrong, he thinks to himself that night as he laid in bed, eyes staring up at the ceiling. Ushijima Wakatoshi is not in denial.

He's just lost and confused.

Ushijima Wakatoshi never saw you after the match. There was a heavy feeling upon his shoulders, a stinging pain in his chest. He laid in bed pondering about these foreign emotions. He thought about taking the initiative to make amends with you, end this stupid silent treatment. He wants to be around you again, to feel your presence, to hear your voice. He stayed up until midnight, and when he finally fell asleep—he dreamt of you and your smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hemloo! it took so long to update and im rlly sorry, been busy with college lolol. this chappie is kind of terrible bc my brain be tired hshshshs anw, i'll see yall in the next updateee ;;
> 
> ALSO 1K+ HITS ARE YALL KIDDING ME OMG :00
> 
> thank you again for all the nice comments, you guys motivate me to write more shshs stay safe you lovelies <3


	9. Tupperware and Jersey (1)

As much as you wanted to fix your tangled relationship with Wakatoshi and return to your former position as 'just-best-friend', the world seemed to have a lot of obstacles laid out in front of you. First it was the fact that you two aren't in the same class. The only chance you ever get to see each other is during lunch, after school, or if you're really lucky, during vacant subjects. Sure, you can always come to school early and meet him, or maybe go to the gym and ask for a couple minutes of his time. But, let's be honest here, you're terrified.

When did it become so difficult to approach him? When did you become so terrified of talking to your best friend? The one you grew up with. The one who knew most of your quirks and secrets.

_The one you love._

Days filled with stolen gazes, longing sighs, bumping and then avoiding each other in the hallway came and went. You couldn't sleep, tossing and turning then pacing back and forth in the small confines of your dorm room-trying to figure out how to fix this. Even more days and nights passed, exams are coming up and you realized that studying kept you busy; and when you're busy, you're less likely to think of Wakatoshi. Yep, that's it.

Except it wasn't.

During these sleepless nights, you found yourself invested in two things. Books and social media.

You spent hours flipping through the pages of your textbooks, trying hard to absorb every definition, every formula. Then, when your eyelids begin to droop, and you feel yourself succumb to the welcoming arms of exhaustion and sleep-you hear a loud 'ping!' coming from your phone.

_Oikawa Tooru sent a message_

_**Oikawa:** _

_**Yahoo~! (Name)-chan!!!!111** _

_**why r u still awake :0** _

_**(Name)-chaaaaaannnn <3** _

_sent 1:34 am_

You don't even know how or why but for some reason, you've been bonding with Oikawa over messenger chats. It was kinda dumb, you think to yourself as you type out a response to the brunette. You geeting 'close' with your best friend's rival. The world must be playing tricks on you.

**_You:_ **

**_im studying for exams_ **

**_why r YOU still awake_ **

_Oikawa is typing..._

**_Oikawa:_ **

**_becAUSE I SAW YOU'RE STILL ONLNE_ **

**_ONLNE_ **

**_ONLIEN_ **

**_ONLINE!!!!!_ **

**_You:_ **

**_for a guy who uses his hands a lot you suck at typing_ **

**_rip_ **

**_lololol_ **

**_Oikawa:_ **

**_how mean!!!_ **

**_also_ **

**_was that a compliment, (Name)-chan~~~??_ **

**_; >_ **

**_You:_ **

**_im this close to blocking you oikawa_ **

**_dont test me_ **

**_Oikawa:_ **

**_i was just jokinnnn D:_ **

**_pls forgive_ **

**_You:_ **

**_anw_ **

**_heard you guys are gonna throw hands with shiratorizawa again_ **

**_Oikawa:_ **

**_y es !_ **

**_we're going to have another match after the exams,_ **

**_r u going to be there for me, (Name)-chan?_ **

_sent 1:44 am_

You paused. That's right. Mari had told you about the match a couple of days ago. She came barging into your dorm room, with her stolen megaphone, screaming about how 'YOUR BOYFRIENDS ARE GOING TO FIGHT AGAIN NEXT FRIDAYYYY!' One of the teachers reprimanded you both ( _even though you weren't even doing anything)_ and confiscated the megaphone-much to your relief and to Mari's disappointment.

"Wakatoshi is not my boyfriend, and neither is Oikawa. We just happen to talk a lot in messenger chats. It's not like we're _actually close._ " You emphasized as Mari plopped on your bed with a grin. "You still haven't made up, huh?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. Leaning against the doorframe, your lips curved into a frown. "Nope. I don't even know what to do anymore."

"Just go up to him and say sorry, it's that easy!" You chewed on your bottom lip, mulling over Mari's words. "I just need to work up the courage to do it. Also, I don't want to bother him right now. With exams and this new match, he's going to be busy for sure."

Your friend could simply groan and roll her eyes. "Blah, blah. You're just making excuses, (Name)."

Silence ensues. Mari may or may not have hit the target with that one, but you just choose to not say anything. Were you making excuses? Probably. You've never had a falling out with Wakatoshi before, and quite frankly, you're scared of confrontation. This foreign feeling of being away from each other, pretending to be strangers. It sucks. It leaves a heavy weight upon your shoulders and dread settling in your stomach whenever you have to avoid his warm gaze. The warm gaze that he gives you. Just you.

Mari leaves a few minutes later, and you wished she had stayed.

Because you hated being alone with your thoughts. Your heart ached and you fell asleep, hand clutching a polaroid of Wakatoshi and yourself.

* * *

Exams are finally over!

You and Mari screamed in delight as you danced around in your dorm room, music blasting through your tiny bluetooth speaker. There were papers and unwashed mugs from all the coffee you drank while studying late at night. While others might say it's too early for celebrations (because you're yet to find out the results of the exams), the fact that you survived the hellish week is already an achievement in itself. Once the adrenaline and excitement died down, you collapsed on your bed, breathless.

"So, about that match..."

Mari laid next to you, eyebrows wiggling as a smirk formed on her lips. You groaned, burying your face in a pillow. "Why did you have to remind me, Mari?" Exams really did a number on you, almost forgetting the match. You don't even know if you were going to watch or not.

"Oh come on, (Name)! I heard it's going to be a big one. Schools from everywhere are going to come and compete."

Raising your head from the pillow, you blinked in confusion. "Wait, really?"

"Yep. Apparently, they're competing for prelims or something. I don't really know. I heard this one school, Karasuno, is really good."

"Isn't that where your boyfriend studies?"

"Yes! But that's besides the point-"

"So the whole 'Karasuno is really good' talk is just your biased opinion."

"(Name)!"

* * *

Okay, this is it. You think to yourself as you place the lid carefully on top of the tupperware. Well, actually, it's not just a tupperware. It's one that Wakatoshi had indirectly claimed as 'his favorite', because you two won it from some weird promo at the grocery store one day.

This is your apology. You spent days looking up and experimenting with recipes that are suited for athletes. You figured that since he will be playing volleyball this coming Friday, you might as well cook a delicious yet nutritious meal for him. Yes, that's a solid plan.

'A well-balanced meal is an important part of an athlete's prep for a match. Below are some pre-event meals that will make sure you have enough energy to get through the entire event!'

You woke up thirty-three minutes before your alarm even went off, quietly making your way to the dorm kitchen to start prepping and cooking. At some point, Mari and a couple of your dorm mates had been awakened by the delicious smell and even tried to take bites from the portions. You ended up making an entire breakfast for the girls and yourself, because they kept whining about the 'gross cafeteria breakfast'. You took pride in their satisfied burps, albeit disgusting. If your hangry dorm mates loved it, then Wakatoshi would too.

"Go ahead and get ready for your boyfie~ We'll clean this up." One of your seniors, Sera, teased as she started putting the used plates and utensils on the sink. "W-Wakatoshi isn't my boyfriend, Sera-senpai!" You blurted out immediately, clutching the well-prepped tupperware close to your chest, cheeks burning bright pink.

"Well, maybe after this, he will be."

* * *

You assumed that the team will be having their pre-competition meal. As soon as you've finished freshening up, you took the wrapped tupperware, making sure that it's in pristine condition (even taking the time to put a small 'Good luck~! Always here for you, (Name)<3' note on top) and headed towards the cafeteria. On your way, you took notice of the many school buses parked by Shiratorizawa's massive gymnasium. You saw a glimpse of some boys wearing orange jerseys, and you swore you heard Mari's squeals coming from their direction.

'Must be Karasuno.' You thought, eyes wandering around trying to look for a familiar white and turquoise jersey.

You were almost tempted to pull out your phone and send Oikawa a message. But then you remembered Wakatoshi.

Wakatoshi, first.

Goshiki was the very first person to notice you when you were walking down the halls. "(Name)-san! Good morning!" He exclaimed as you turned around to face him. You giggled softly at him, gently patting his head while he was bowing. "Long time no see, Goshiki-kun." You heard footsteps approaching and you turned your head to the side, meeting Semi's eyes. The ash blond paused, obviously not expecting you to be there. He immediately regained composure and bowed before you, "G-Good morning, (Name)-san!"

"Good morning, Semi-ku-" You didn't even get to finish because the poor guy started apologizing profusely. "I should've apologized sooner but I didn't want to be a nuisance and I know I-"

"Semi-kun, I forgive you." You flashed a warm smile. "So, please, don't beat yourself up about it." Semi was speechless for a couple of seconds, before bowing once again. "You're too nice, (Name)-san!"

It was sweet, and you thought that it was too early for you to be having such a wholesome reunion with the gang. Your cheeks already hurt from smiling as you listen to the banter between Semi and Goshiki. Then, a certain redhead arrived to join the party. "Hallooo~ What do we have here~?" Tendou mused as he eyed the tupperware in your hands. "Is that for our mighty Wakatohi-kun?" He asked, and you could feel a blush creep up on your cheeks. "He's on his way. If you want, you can meet him halfway for some..alone time~" Tendou wiggled his eyebrows, and you almost laughed at Goshiki's facial expression after hearing that.

Nodding at Tendou's advice, you walked off doing exactly what he had said. This is it. You're facing him after days of silence. You're fixing this. Everything will be okay. You can do this. The world can't stop you.

* * *

You were wrong. Apparently, the world hated you and will do everything to stop you.

"Uh.. Ushijima-senpai.."

You pray internally, hands tightly gripping the still warm container. Is god testing you?

"M-my name is Shizuo Mira. I'm the captain of the cheer squad."

No, maybe this is a punishment. That's right. It has to be.

"-And I was wondering if I could wear your jersey for the match later. It would be my honor to cheer for you and the team."

One, two, three, four, five.

Five steps. You are five steps away from Wakatoshi. He has his back facing you, so you couldn't really see his reaction. The cheerleader, Mira, was bowing in front of him. Her soft blonde hair tied back with a purple ribbon. You feel envy course through your veins as you stared at her flawless skin. 'She probably uses expensive lotion,' you think bitterly to yourself. Eyes travel further to her hourglass body and how the cheer uniform fits her perfectly, the pleated skirt and thigh high socks showing off her long legs.

You wanted to intervene. You should intervene. Hurry, before she takes Wakatoshi's spare jersey into her manicured hands. Move.

_Please._

"Thank you very much, Ushijima-senpai!"

You heard enough. You watched as she holds the jersey close to her chest, a _perfect_ smile on her pink lips. That's when you finally had the strength to move. And you did. You moved.

Away from them. Away from him.

Envy and jealousy are foreign to you. You hated it. You felt like crying. So you walked away, carrying even more emotional baggage than before. Soon enough, you were at the building entrance, wallowing in self-pity. You looked down at the tupperware in your hands. Who the hell's supposed to eat this now? You grumbled to yourself.

"Ah! Look who it is!"

That voice sounded familiar.

"(Name)-chan! It's nice to see you! Did you miss me~?" Oikawa is standing in front of you, with his teammates following behind. He has this bright smile. So bright that you feel like you would go blind if you stare too long. "Why the long face, (Name)-chan? Come on now, gimme a smile!" He poked your cheeks as he proceeded to make dumb faces.

Oikawa's smile is bright. And warm.

And you realized that you liked that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaa it's been a month since i updated! i've been busy with nursing school yall ;; anw, i hoped you guys liked this chappie! there's going to be a part 2 for this bc this is already too long and im sleepy hshshhsh i'd like to apologize for the inaccuracies in this chapter (and for the future ones). i know they're supposed to have a match at another gymnasium but for the sake of the plot, we're having it at shiratorizawa uwu
> 
> also i know im laying it on thick with the angst but what can i say, im a hoe for some gud angst ;>> pls dont be mad at me for the whole 'why would wakatoshi give his jersey to someone else', he just big clueless baby and thinks its for school spirit or smth I SHOULDNT BE EXPLAINING THIS
> 
> okay this is a very long note so imma stop now, thank you for all the very nice comments ;; they really motivate me to write more uwu again, i hope you guys enjoyed this. stay safe and see you in the next chappieeeeee~


	10. Tupperware and Jersey (2)

Tendou, Goshiki, and Semi are all equally confused when they saw their captain walking down the hallway. Alone. With empty hands.

Standing a few feet away from the entrance of the cafeteria, the trio watched with knitted brows and narrowed gaze as Ushijima approached--who, upon seeing their faces, raised both eyebrows. "Tsk, tsk, tsk." Tendou grimaced as he shook his head in disappointment. Goshiki shuddered as he thought about (Name)-san, how her face lit up when she saw them and how she practically bounced in glee while making her way to where Ushijima was. Semi, on the other hand, just had to ask. Surely, there must be an explanation as to why Ushijima is alone. Alone. Without (Name)-san. And her 'fixing-our-friendship' meal for Ushijima.

"Ushijima-kun.. Have you seen (Name)-san?" He asked, while Tendou and Goshiki turned to him with a look that can only mean one thing. 'Go ahead, ask.'

Their captain tensed up at the mention of his best friend. Why are they asking him this question? Did something happen to you? Is there something he should know?

"No, it's been more than a week since I've seen her." Yes, that last time being their friendly match with Aoba Johsai. "Why?" He continued.

It took a lot of willpower for the trio to not smack their own faces in disappointment. What happened? How come you two didn't meet up? "Seriously? You didn't see her at all?" Tendou said this time, hand on his chin as if he was trying to solve a mystery case. "That's odd~" He chimed.

Ushijima is even more confused. "Why is it odd? We fought, that's why I haven't seen her--"

"(Name)-san came here looking for you. I think she wanted to talk."

With furrowed brows, Ushijima asked. "Where is she then?"

Getting slightly frustrated with the back and forth between them, Goshiki explained. "That's what we wanted to know!"

"Tendou-kun told her where you were then she went to find you. So, how come you two never saw each other?"

Ushijima was silent, as if thinking deeply. He never saw you on the way to the cafeteria. There was no one else in the halls--Oh wait. The cheerleader.

"I didn't see her. I was talking to the captain of the cheer squad."

Oh, God have mercy. The three didn't like where this was going. "You talked to Barbie?"

"Who?"

"The cheerleader captain. Haven't you seen her? She looks like one of those Barbie dolls."

"Tendou-san, I don't know whether I should take your words as a compliment to Shizuo-san or not."

"Guys, we're getting off track."

"Right! Right!"

Semi faced their captain, "Why were you talking to Shizuo-san?"

They weren't prepared for what Ushijima was about to say. And honestly speaking? If he wasn't their captain, they would've smacked some sense into his head.

"She asked if she could wear my spare jersey for the game today. I said yes."

Ushijima never saw you that morning, they concluded. But you sure as hell saw him. And Barbie.

* * *

Oikawa Tooru is just as noisy in messenger as he was in real life. The moment his chocolate brown eyes landed on your sulking figure, he basically latched onto you until you 'showed him your cute smile'. His teammates were staring in astonishment at the scene unfolding before them. It was extremely odd. Oikawa, their captain who may or may not have unadulterated dislike for Shiratorizawa; hugging a poor girl that's obviously wearing the colors of their opponent. Iwaizumi Hajime, feeling bad for the stranger, decided to intervene.

"Oi, Shittykawa! Get your grubby hands off of that girl before a teacher sees you!" He exclaimed, causing the brunette to start whining.

"But Iwa-chan~! (Name)-chan is sad and I want to cheer her up~"

"That's strangulation not cheering someone up, you dumbass."

"How mean! Right in front of a girl too!"

"Shut up and let her go, for Christ's sake!"

With much hesitation, and a pout, Oikawa finally let go of the unknown female. Iwaizumi's dark eyes met (color) ones as she flashed him a grateful smile. "Anyways!" Oikawa, with his annoyingly cheerful voice, wrapped his arms around your shoulders and walked towards his team. "Everyone, meet (Name)-chan."

The boys are still confused at why the King of Seijoh is friends with someone from Shiratorizawa. It just doesn't add up. But for the sake of being polite and not looking like a fool in front of a cute girl, they all greeted you with a smile.

"Nice to meet you all," you responded softly with a gentle look on your face.

"(Name)-chan is here to watch and support me~" Oikawa said with a grin.

"No, I'm not." "No, she's not."

* * *

You feel like the protagonist of a romcom. Especially after meeting the Seijoh boys. They seemed like great guys, and they all looked like they belong in some sort of idol group--but let's pretend you didn't think that. Anyways, as soon as Oikawa introduced you to his team, completely disregarding the fact that you're wearing Shiratorizawa's P.E. uniform and looked completely out of place; you were completely distracted from the emotional turmoil you were going through earlier.

You didn't know what it was. Maybe, Seijoh is just a really fun team to be with. Maybe, the chatter and the banter that surrounded you were temporarily blocking away the self-pity that was bubbling up five minutes ago. Or maybe, it was Oikawa Tooru. And his warm smiles and his presence. His presence was refreshing. Like confetti. Bright and colorful. Completely different from Wakatoshi's calm and serene aura.

Apparently, Seijo's volleyball team wasn't loud enough to distract you from Wakatoshi.

"See you around, (Name)-san." They waved at you as they walked towards the gymnasium. Iwaizumi lagged behind the team, sending you an approving nod before turning towards Oikawa. "Hurry up, Shittykawa. We still need to prep." Then walked away, leaving you two alone. At least for the next three minutes.

You looked up at the brunette, "Your teammates are nice." He responded with a nod, and for a moment, he has a serious look on his face. Sunlight touched his face, his lashes fluttered slowly, brown curls waving ever so slightly. "I couldn't ask for anyone else. They're family." His lips curved into a smile. Sincere.

Then he winked, "-And Iwa-chan is the scary mom." 

"I'll tell him you said that," you chuckled. "Anyways, (Name)-chan," Oikawa looked down at the package on your hands. "Are you okay?"

You hated that question. You hate it so much.

Because you always end up in tears before you can even say, "No."

Images of Wakatoshi and that cheerleader flashed in your mind. Stop. It hurts. You shouldn't have tried. You just ruined your friendship with him. Now he doesn't want to see you anymore. He found some pretty, blonde girl to date. You're out of his li--

"(Name)-chan." Oikawa has his arms around you, your face buried in the crook of his neck and you can feel the hot tears soaking up his collar. Your hands were trembling, clutching onto the packed meal you tried so hard to perfect. You feel Oikawa's breath against your cheek, whispering words of assurance. With a shaky breath, you squeezed your eyes shut and melted into his embrace.

Does heartbreak really hurt this much? Or did it just become this worse because of your years of pining? Or maybe all the pent-up emotions are finally being released, because now you have someone other than Wakatoshi to comfort you. You didn't know.

Loving someone hurts. You think to yourself.

It hurts because of all the uncertainties. It hurts because it's uncontrollable. And it hurts even more, because even in the warm embrace of Oikawa Tooru, you still longed for the touch of Ushijima Wakatoshi.

* * *

Ushijima Wakatoshi paid little attention to all the clamor around him as he made his way to the gymnasium. He rarely used his phone, the reason being that he had better things to do--but this time, he stared at the screen with such intensity that it would've melted under his gaze.

**_(Name) (Surname) is online._ **

_Ushijima Wakatoshi is typing..._

_( **Name) (Surname) went offline.**_

"So you do know how to use a phone," a familiar voice came from behind him. Almost immediately, Ushijima shoved the device into his sports bag before turning to face the smug face of Oikawa Tooru. "I never took you for a person who makes girls cry." Ushijima frowned. What is he talking about? "I hope (Name)-chan's absence doesn't affect you too much." Oikawa's voice was laced with malice, and he didn't even bother hiding it.

Ushijima has never felt this urge to hit Oikawa before. But hearing _him_ say her name. It made Ushijima's blood boil.

"Anyways, I'll go ahead. A certain someone went out of their way to make a pre-event meal for their _friend._ Sucks that the _friend_ was busy doing god-knows-what." That's when Ushijima's eyes landed on the familiar cointainer on Oikawa's grasp. A green tupperware with a cartoon frog design on the side. Wait, that's--"Mine." He mumbled softly.

Well, it wasn't technically Ushijima's. But it's the one (Name) would always use whenever she'd give homecooked meals to him. It's the one they won at some stupid promo at the condiment aisle in the grocery store. It's his favorite.

Ushijima is not sentimental, but it's crazy how one item can mean so much to him.

To add salt to Ushijima's wounds, Oikawa peeled the sticky note on top of the lid and held it up, reading it out loud. "Good luck~! Always here for you, (Name)." He made sure to emphasize every word, and for a second, he saw a flash of anger in Ushijima's eyes.

"She even added a small heart. How cute~ That _friend_ doesn't know what he's missing."

Ushijima's gripped the strap of his sports bag. His face stoic as ever, contradicting the burning emotions inside him. There was a pang in his chest, a heavy weight on his shoulders. He hated it. He wanted it to stop.

He wanted to run to you.

"Luckily, she realized that unlike _others_ , I wouldn't let her efforts go to waste." Seemingly satisfied with his taunting, Oikawa walked away. Ushijima could simply watch as the brunette left with what was meant to be his.

Ushijima recognized this unbearable feeling. Tendou explained it to him before. It's jealousy.

And perhaps, heartbreak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eyyyy, what a rollercoaster of emotions aaaaaaaa ;; here's the second part of tupperware and jerseyyy aka that chappie that's dedicated to triggering ushiwaka's jealousy ;>> pls expect more of this in the future chappies because i'm a sucker for emotionally constipated characters getting jelly (am i the only one?)
> 
> also, MIDTERMS ARE APPROACHING so updates will be kinda slow ;-;; but hopefully it doesn't take another month lmaooo
> 
> ANW 2K+ HITS!?!?!? are y'all kidding meeee?? thamk so much for reading, you guys ;; and for all the kudos and the nice comments, they rlly brighten my day uwu stay safe and see you in the next chappieeeeeeeee <3


	11. Victory and News

Shiratorizawa won against Aoba Johsai.

You knew, because even though you were wallowing in self-pity and heartbreak, you're still Ushijima Wakatoshi's best friend. You're still his number one supporter. At least that's what you try to tell yourself, as you stare bitterly at Shizuo Mira. Shizuo Mira, captain of cheer squad. Shizuo MIra, with blonde hair and soft skin. Shizuo Mira, with perfect smile and perfect body.

Shizuo Mira, parading her perfect self. Shizuo Mira. Wearing Ushijima Wakatoshi's jersey.

God, you don't know whether you want to crawl into a hole and disappear from the face of the earth or climb over the gym dividers and smack her. You're not a violent person. You hate confrontations. There's just something about Shizuo Mira wearing Wakatoshi's jersey that makes your blood boil. You refuse to acknowledge it, mostly because your heart is already suffering through so much--but, a small part of you wished it was you instead. You wanted to be the one wearing his jersey. The one cheering for him.

That's when you've come to terms that maybe you're not his number one supporter anymore.

Swallowing the suffocating feeling of jealousy and sadness, you sat at the back row--right behind the tall first years. You'd support and watch Ushijima, at the back, hidden. Something you should've done with your stupid feelings, you thought. Should've kept them hidden, locked away.

You kept your eyes on the court, watching the game carefully despite having little clue about the game itself. Maybe, when you and Wakatoshi are friends again, he'll give you an in-depth explanation of volleyball. Maybe.

During the set breaks, you took notice of the way Ushijima's gaze would land on the bleachers--as if searching for your face in the crowd. You knew there was no way he'd see you behind this group of tall students, but everytime he'd look towards your direction, you'd duck down. You wonder what's running through his mind. Does he want to see you? Here? Is he looking for you, hoping you'd be at your usual place at the front row, smiling and cheering for him? 

The game began again before you could even think of an answer.

* * *

"Shiiiiratorizawa! Hey! Hey!"

They won. Your school won.

Everyone stood up and started cheering loudly. A mixture of clapping and whistling echoed throughout the gymnasium as they celebrated. With all the commotion, you decided to stand up and look at both teams. Aoba Johsai and Shiratorizawa shook hands, as a thank-you for the match. Then, they walked away from each other. Wakatoshi was at the front, the rest of the team following closely behind. Pride swelled in your chest, and for a moment, you wanted to run up to him and congratulate them.

For a second, you forgot about your inner conflict with your feelings and your falling out with Wakatoshi. You wanted to approach him and jump in his arms, say "Congratulations, Toshi! I'm so proud of you!" Like you usually do.

You pushed through the crowd, from the bleachers and down to the court. You ran past the photography and newspaper club. Tendou Satori was the first person to notice you from afar, as if he knew. He looked to the side, about to call for Wakatoshi, to inform him of your approaching presence. There was a huge smile on your face. Feelings and arguments be damned.

"Wakatoshi!"

* * *

"Extra! Extra! Come get the latest issue of The Eagle's Eye!"

"Read all about Shiratorizawa's victory against Seijoh!"

The Eagle's Eye, the school's publication team was very quick in creating a sports article about the previous match. The entire newspaper club stood by the gates, handing out copies to other students, who may or may not be interested in reading. Mari, was one of them. Well, mostly because she was "sick and tired of Shiratorizawa winning". She grumbled about how her "babies at Karasuno" are much better--which earned her a few glares from nearby students who happened to hear.

Tucking the newspaper in her arm, she walked towards her classroom, expecting to see you. Unfortunately, she was too busy hanging out (or at least that's what she liked to call it) with Karasuno that she didn't get to meet you before and after the game. When she got back to the dorms, your door was locked and she'd assumed that you were probably too exhausted after watching the game.

Stepping through the sliding doors, she yelled, "Good morning (Name)-chan!"

There you were, staring out the window. Mari snorted, thinking about how you looked like one of those edgy protagonists in anime. Sitting next to you, Mari wrapped her arms around your form. "Why so gloomy, (Name)-chan?" You were silent for a moment, eyes moving from the window and to your desk. Mari followed your gaze, as she took notice of The Eagle's Eye on your desk.

"Oho~ You're reading the article about your man, huh?" She grinned. "Lemme see."

Despite having her own copy of the newspaper, Mari took yours and flipped to the sports page.

"Ah. There it is! Now let's see what they wrote--"

**SHIRATORIZAWA BAGS YET ANOTHER VICTORY!**

"Ha! Who made this headline? Bags? Really?" You remained silent and Mari was confused. 

Skimming past the lengthy and boring paragraphs about Shiratorizawa's match with Aoba Johsai, Mari's eyes land on the final paragraph, and the image next to it.

'As the rest of the powerhouse celebrated the Shiratorizawa Volleyball Club's win with an energetic chant, head cheerleader Shizuo Mira congratulated ace and team captain Ushijima Wakatoshi with a brave display of affection. The cheerleader, clad in the captain's jersey, ran towards Ushijima after winning and rewarded him with a kiss! This shocking moment was captured by the lens of Haruno Saki from the photography club.'

Oh no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyyyy!!! i finally updated after god knows how long and i brought you angsty sustenance >:D
> 
> i have like 10 assignments to do but my brain be like 'haha heres writing inspo instead' so i hope u guys enjoyed this chappie, bc i defo did. idk how to write sports articles so pls forgive,,
> 
> anw i hope yall are doing wellllll, idk when i'll update again bc nursing school is stressful ;;; but i'll try my best ;;;
> 
> ALSO HOLY MACARONI 3K HITS?!?! thank youuu ;; seeing them readers and comments rlly make me feel happy uwu stay safe everyoneeee <3


	12. Train Rides and Homecoming

Winter break is supposed to be great.

That’s what you think to yourself as you stand in a crowded train, carrying your heavy luggage, wrapped in a thick jacket and a knitted scarf. You know, it wouldn’t be so bad, except for the fact that you’re being squished by fellow passengers who are much, MUCH taller than you.

Winter break is great. It’s not just because there would be no classes, you’d also get to go back to your hometown. After months of staying at the dorms, you’re finally going home. To see your family, to see old friends who also came home for the holidays, celebrate Christmas with your loved ones, and Wakatoshi—

Oh.

Right.

There’s no Wakatoshi.

Being reminded of what happened, you sigh loudly, keeping your eyes on the train windows. The passing scenery, everything blanketed with a layer of snow. The cold tickled the tips of your ears and your nose. You tried to focus on your surroundings, enjoy the calmness (even though you could barely move because of how crowded it is). Anything to distract you from thinking of a certain olive-eyed volleyball player.

After the whole newspaper fiasco, you refused to see, hear, and talk about anything that has to do with Ushijima Wakatoshi and Shizuo Mira. Their faces were all over the halls, pinned on every notice board; as if taunting you, sending hit after painful hit to your already beaten-up heart. Even your news feed wasn’t spared from the nightmare. Students won’t stop sharing and tweeting about “Ushiwaka’s girlfriend” or “The Power Couple of Shiratorizawa!”

You’re sick of it. You hate it.

What happened during the times that you were avoiding Wakatoshi? What? You stop talking for a week or so, and he decides to pursue a girl? Maybe that’s why he didn’t hesitate to let her wear his jersey during the tournament. Maybe they were already going out, and you just didn’t know?

Jealousy and sadness bubbled up in your chest. Suddenly it was freezing cold, and everything’s a hundred times worse than before. People pushed against you, shoving you further into the suffocating crowd.

Please don’t have an anxiety attack right now. You whisper to yourself as you squeezed your eyes shut.

You want to cry. You really do.

But then you heard the conductor’s voice, blasting through the speakers.

“You have arrived at Kurihara*.”

You’ll be fine. In a few, you’ll be home.

Everything’s going to be okay.

* * *

You tend to forget things. Either an important event, where you last put your phone, even your own age. You tend to forget small, little things, only to remember them minutes later.

The moment you step out of the cab and carry your luggage all the way to your house block; that’s when you get the foreboding feeling that you’re forgetting something. You don’t know what it was, no matter how hard you try to wrack your poor brain.

You think and think until you find yourself standing in front of your house. Pushing the gate open, you decide to worry about whatever it was you forgot later. You’re home. After months, you’re finally home.

You can’t wait to greet Mom, Dad, and your pesky little brother. They’re probably waiting since yesterday, insisting that they should just pick you up from the dorms.

“Are you sure you want to take the train? It gets real crowded especially during this time, people eager to come home for the holidays and all that.” Your dad said over the phone.

“I’m sure, Dad. Besides, I’ve been taking the train home for the past couple of years now. I’m used to it.”

“All right, I’ll go tell your mother. Stay safe, doll. I love you.”

And here you are.

With a huge smile on your face, you twist the doorknob and pushed the door open. Stepping inside with your heavy luggage, you yelled, “I’m home!”

You hear the fain thuds of your brother’s feet on the floor as he yells, “Nee-chan is home! Nee-chan!” He was the first to greet you, coming from the living room, he ran towards you with arms wide open. “Haru!” Dropping your bags to the floor, you take Haru into your arms. “You’ve grown!” You say, ruffling his hair as he grins showing his missing front teeth. “I also lost my baby teeth, see? See?”

“(Name)-chan?” You hear your mom call.

“Coming!”

With Haru holding onto your hand, the two of you walk towards the living room. Your eyes immediately land on your father, sitting down while he takes a sip of his tea. Your mom stands up and pulls you into a hug. “Welcome home, dear. What took you so long?” Your dad asks.

“Uh, there were a lot of people at the station so I didn’t get to board the train earlier than I would've—”

“I told you to travel the day before, didn’t I?” Your mom says. “You know how crazy it can get during the holidays. Wakatoshi-kun over here arrived last night.”

Of course, Wakatoshi would travel the day before--Wait, what now?

Pulling away from the embrace, your mom steps back. That’s when you see him.

Sitting across your dad, wearing one of the sweaters you two bought from a Christmas sale two years ago. His eyes meet yours, and it was like you were trapped. You can’t look away. It was as if he won’t let you.

‘What are your eyes trying to tell me, Wakatoshi?’

That’s when you realize. That’s when you remember. It wasn’t something you forgot. It was WHO. Seems like your brain is malfunctioning, causing you to forget that Ushijima Wakatoshi—no matter how hard you try not to think about him; he still lives in the same town as you. His house is right next to yours. His family and your family are very close.

You two are very clo—No. You WERE close.

You’re not so sure about that right now.

“Hello, Ushijima.” He flinched slightly, and to be honest, you did too. You just implied that you’re no longer at first name basis with him.

You want to disappear.

“Err—I’ll… I’ll go and unpack my stuff.” You say softly. Thankfully, your parents didn’t seem suspicious of your aloof behaviour towards Wakatoshi—or even if they did notice, they chose to remain silent about it.

“Alright, dear. I’ll go prepare some food. You must be hungry after travelling.” Your mom kissed you on the cheek and went off to the kitchen, with Haru following behind and yelling “Mama, I want food too!”

* * *

“Are you still upset with me?” Wakatoshi’s voice broke the deafening silence in your room as you stared at the pile of clothes on top of your bed. You refused to look at him, so you simply shook your head. You hear his footsteps grow nearer and nearer. His tall shadow looms over you, he was silent and for a second you wanted to look at him.

“You…” You tried to speak. But his presence rendered you speechless. This was the closest you’ve been to him after weeks of avoidance. There was the unbearable urge to grab his hand and pull him close.

You miss him so much. So damn much.

The bed creaks under his weight, and suddenly he’s sitting in front of you. You averted your gaze, keeping your head down. How were you supposed to face him? What do you say? What do you do to bring things back to normal?

“(Name).” Your name spills from his lips so effortlessly. The sound of his voice making your heart throb and yet sting at the same time. “Look at me.”

But how? You wanted to ask him. How am I supposed to look at you when all I can see is the sight of Shizuo Mira pressing her lips against yours? How, Wakatoshi?

Hands gripping the bedsheets, you bit down on your lip as tears blurred your vision. You shouldn’t cry. It’s stupid. Feelings are stupid. You shouldn’t have tried to confess. You should’ve known better.

“I’m sorry.”

“Please look at me.”

Warm hands pressed against your cheeks, as Wakatoshi held your face upwards. Tear-brimmed eyes met his worried gaze, as his thumb caresses your skin.

'No, don’t look at me like that.'

'Don’t look at me like you’re in love.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyooooo! here's another chappie uwu, i know its not as exciting as the previous ones but dont worry we'll get right back to the more angsty stuff later hehe
> 
> *with regards to the Kurihara part, the wiki only mentions that ushijima is from miyagi prefecture (no specific city). shiratorizawa is at sendai so i just looked up other cities in miyagi and chose kurihara hshshshhs
> 
> anw, i would like to say thank you to all the lovely comments that i've been getting! ;-;; you guys motivate me to write more and i'm really happy that yall are enjoying the story so far,, hopefully with the holiday break, i'll be able to update more frequently :> thats all for nowww, see u in the next chappieeeee


	13. Hallmark Movies and Christmas Markets

Hallmark movies are one of the reasons why you love the holidays. While most people would argue that every single one of them have the same plot, there's just something magical about finding love and happiness during the 'most wonderful time of the year'. It's practically tradition for you to binge watch these overly cliché and extremely predictable movies. Sitting on the living room, wrapped in a fluffy blanket while sipping on hot chocolate with extra marshmallows, your eyes glued onto the TV screen.

You sigh softly, watching the couple profess their undying love to each other while surrounded by the magical, winter wonderland. You wonder how it feels like. The cold air tickling your nose, hand entwined with Wakatoshi's warm ones--Wait.

"Wakatoshi." His name spills from your lips in a soft whisper.

"(Name)."

Turning your head to the side, your (color) eyes meet his. There, snuggled underneath the same fluffy blanket, hands clutching a mug that matches yours--was Ushijima Wakatoshi. He tilted his head slightly, as if asking why you said his name. Meanwhile, you stare back at him. There's a hint of disbelief on your face, and Wakatoshi's brows knitted together.

"What is it?" He asks, putting down the half-empty mug on the coffee table. He hesitates for a second, hand brushing against yours. As if he's testing the waters, wondering how you'd react if he were to take yours in his gentle grasp. Wakatoshi waits, eyes searching yours for a signal. Permission. Anything.

It's been a day since the incident in your room. If you closed your eyes, you can still see Wakatoshi's face, inches from your own. His eyes held so much emotion, so much warmth that you felt like you're going to get burned. His thumb glided ever so slowly across your skin. Time stopped. It's just you and Wakatoshi. Trapped in such close proximity. You didn't even notice the tears pooling at the edge of your eyes and panic flashed upon Wakatoshi's handsome features.

He moved, about to pull away but your hands were faster. Placing them on top of his, keeping him in place.

'I'm sorry,' was what he wanted to say at that moment. 'I miss you so much'.

But you both knew that already. 'It's always been like this, you and me, Wakatoshi. Right?' There was silence, not one word. 'But it's okay, right, Wakatoshi?'

It's magical, you think to yourself. The ability to communicate without words.

You're well aware that there are some things that needed to be said and explained. You wanted to ask so many questions, and so does he. He wants to apologize, even though he's not entirely sure what for. You want to tell him how you feel, again. You both wanted to talk. About you two. About Oikawa Tooru. About Shizuo Mira.

But perhaps it's the warmth in his eyes, or the feeling of your hands atop his. Maybe it was the way he pressed his forehead against yours, the way you tucked yourself in his embrace. Or maybe it was the relief and peace that you both felt, reconciled after weeks of being apart. Whichever it was, you wanted to bask in the moment. You'll talk, maybe even argue, later. But for now, you just want to hold each other close and never let go.

* * *

"Nee-chan! Some weird lady at the door is asking for you!" Haru's voice came from the hall, breaking your train of thoughts. Leaving the warm and comforting embrace of Wakatos--err, the warm and comforting embrace of the _fluffy blanket_ , you head over to the hall. Wondering who could possibly be looking for you right now, Haru jumped excitedly and impatiently as he held the door open. "Who is it, Haru-kun?"

"This weird lady!" You stood by the doorway, eyes landing on a familiar face. Mari, clad in a overly large winter jacket with specks of snow on her shoulders and dark purple hair messily sticking out from her wool hat; stood before you with a large smile. "Happy holidays, (Name)-chan! You thought I wasn't gonna visit you, huh? Well, you thought wrong!"

"See, Nee-chan? Weird lady!" Haru exclaimed, pointing his finger at Mari who responded with a "Who you calling weird lady, you brat!?"

Sticking his tongue out, your little brother ran back inside. His feet hitting the floorboards with a soft 'thud' as he yells for Wakatoshi to 'fight the weird lady. "Sorry about Haru." You chuckled, inviting your female friend inside. "Eh, it's fine. We've been friends for 3 years and he still calls me 'weird lady'." You both laughed as Mari took off her coat.

Leading her to the living room, Mari gasped loudly as she spots Wakatoshi's form on the couch. Her eyes moved back and forth between you and the tall ace, mouth agape as she tried to process what's happening. "Uh.." She trailed off, catching Wakatoshi's stoic gaze.

"Happy holidays, Mari." He greeted.

"WHAT'RE YOU DOING HERE, HUH!?"

* * *

"Can't believe you just went soft on him, (Name)-chan. What, he gives you puppy eyes for two seconds and all is forgiven?" Mari whispers angrily as she clings onto your arm, dragging you past the crowded streets. Knowing that you'll be spending your days watching 'cringey rom-coms', Mari decided to bring you to the Christmas market. With much reluctance, she had to bring Wakatoshi and Haru along as well.

"It's not that simple, Mari..." You tried to reason out but who were you kidding? That's exactly what happened. You have a soft spot for the giant, and Mari was having none of it. "So, you're not even gonna confront him? Not gonna yell at him for being an inconsiderate pric--"

"Mari, please."

"I'm just saying the truth! He can't straight up ignore the fact that you tried to confess. Then, instead of talking things out, he finds some blonde Barbie doll to parade around in his jersey." You love Mari, you really do. But sometimes, you wished she wasn't so straightforward. Everything she said was right. But that's the problem with love, isn't it? Your rose-colored glasses are stuck on your face. Reds and whites all look the same.

Sensing your distress, Mari sighed, placing both of her hands on your shoulders. "I'm not trying to scold you, (Name)-chan. I'm not trying to vilify Ushijima as well. I just want to say how important it is that you both talk about this. That's how this entire mess started, right? With miscommunication, and then lack thereof."

"I don't care if he's emotionally constipated or lacks basic communication skills. You can't just hug it out and forget everything. That's not how relationships work, be it platonic or romantic." Staring back at your friend, you both break out into a wide grin as you pull her into a hug. "You're the best, you know that?" You mumble softly as she pats your head. "Damn right, I am."

"Also, when did you become so good with relationship advice?" "That's a secret I'd like to keep, (Name)."

* * *

"It always gets real crowded during this time of the year, huh." You wonder out loud as you follow behind Wakatoshi, who has Haru sitting on his shoulders. Mari, who's typing on her phone, hummed in response. "I gotta give it to you, Ushijima's got this vibe to him. Who knew he's good with kids?" She teased, nudging your side.

Yes, the duality of Mari. One moment, she's yapping about how you and Wakatoshi's lack of communication and the next, she's back to shipping you two. "Anyways, I saw this cute scarf from one of the stalls. I think my boyfriend would like that--"

"Right. You have a boyfriend from the concrete." Wakatoshi said nonchalantly, causing you to choke back a giggle and Mari to start fuming. "What concrete, huh!? How dare you talk smack about my Karasuno boyfriend!"

The two continued their banter--at some point, Haru joined in as well, making remarks about Mari being 'weird and old'. Meanwhile, you're smiling so much your cheeks were starting to hurt. Wakatoshi's having fun, you think. It made you wonder about how he felt during the weeks you avoided him.

Wakatoshi always found it a bit difficult to make friends, even worse when it comes to expressing himself. Perhaps that's why you two became friends, opposites but a match nonetheless. You knew how to bring him out of his shell. The one to bring color and music to his seemingly monotonous outlook on life, and he was the peace and calm that got you through the loudest and darkest of times.

It's always been volleyball and nothing else for Wakatoshi. He wanted to make his father proud after all, and at the same time, prove his worth to his mother. Prove that him being left-handed is not something to be ashamed of. It's not something that he should try to hide or change. It used to be just volleyball for Ushijima Wakatoshi.

Until (Name) (Surname) arrived.

Silently, you made a promise to yourself to talk things through after this. You want Wakatoshi to listen to everything you had to say, and you promised to do the same when he speaks his side. You just need to communicate with one another.

Meeting Wakatoshi's gaze, your lips stretched into a bright smile and he did the same.

In spite of the cold winter air and the soft crunch of the snow beneath your feet, you felt pleasantly warm. 'I wonder...'

'Do you feel it as well, Wakatoshi?'

* * *

You knew something was off when Haru decided that he wanted to go with Mari to buy that scarf. Also the fact that Mari sent you a very obvious and weird wink before walking away with your whiny brother, it's safe to assume that she plotted this for you to get some alone time with Wakatoshi. _You don't have any issues with some alone time per se_ , but Mari could be a little more discreet about it.

Walking next to Wakatoshi, your eyes wander off to the nearby stalls. Right. You still haven't bought a gift for Wakatoshi.

Due to both of your families being close, you usually spend Christmas with Wakatoshi. There's always an annual get-together at either houses, and it's natural for you to buy gifts for your family and his. At one point, your parents and his mother joked about how they're practically in-laws. You try to deny having a romantic relationship with Wakatoshi, while he simply sat there. But with your feelings in tow--it's getting harder and harder not to burst into flames and just pour out your feelings for him.

As you both push against the bustling crowd, you're finding it hard to navigate through--with people pushing against one another and moving in separate ways at once. 'Thank goodness Wakatoshi is freakin' tall,' you think to yourself as you follow behind him. For a moment, he turns to face you.

"(Name)." Your name leaves his mouth in a calm tune. You feel your cheeks become warm and you're probably a bright shade of pink right now, but the way Wakatoshi says your name makes your heart pound. You feel his hand envelope yours in a firm yet gentle grasp. Together, you escape the crowd and move towards the park benches where there's considerably less people. Sitting down, you pull out your phone to contact Mari.

So much for getting _alone time._

"Are you alright?" Wakatoshi asks and you raise your head to look up at hi--

Ushijima Wakatoshi is kneeling before you.

Staring back at him with wide eyes, you open your mouth to speak but no words seem to come out. Christmas lights illuminate against his skin, his cheeks and ears flushed pink. His warm eyes held your gaze, and your heart starts pounding once again. With a gloved hand, Wakatoshi tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear. "Are you cold?" He asks, taking notice of the way your hands trembled slightly.

'I'm not shaking because of the cold, Wakatoshi.' You wanted to say.

"No." You finally find your voice. "Toshi.. Can I.."

"Waka-kun?" You feel your heart drop at the sound of a familiar voice. No. Please, not here.

You both stand up, and there she was. Standing in front of you. With her perfect face and perfect body, her golden hair moving slightly with winter breeze.

"It is you, Waka-kun!" She exclaims with a gorgeous smile. You step back, and before you knew it, she's running forward. Throwing herself into Wakatoshi's arms.

Wakatoshi catches her, and her melodic laughter rings in your ears as she pressed herself against Wakatoshi's chest.

You recognize this scene from all the Hallmark movies you've watched. With the two of them being the couple that's meant to be together.

With you, being the side character. Alone. Tossed aside.

You step back once. Then twice. Again. You kept walking until they're out of sight.

It's time to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe y'all really thought i was gonna end this chappie with fluff???? sikeeee
> 
> anw, idk how to feel about this chappie (i'm not v satisfied with the way i wrote it bc self doubt go brr ;;) but i hope you guys liked it. we only get angst in this household, aightttt. i still haven't found my way around updating my oikawa fic (oopsies) but hopefully i update both sometime during the next few days/weeks uwu
> 
> AND OMG 4K+ HITS!?! THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!! all your comments and support really brighten my day and i appreciate every one of you ;;
> 
> i hope y'all have a wonderful holidayyyyy, stay safe always and see you in the next chappiee


	14. Warm, then Cold

It's a known fact that no matter how strong and intimidating Ushijima Wakatoshi may seem, he's clueless about everything else outside of volleyball. Thus, you can imagine the confusion on his face when Shizuo Mira approached him before the tournament to ask for his spare jersey. Why would anyone want to wear his own clothing?

But then, he thinks about the few times that he lent you his clothes. How happy you looked when he wrapped his coat around your shoulders, one cold night. The way you waved your arms and smiled while giggling about how 'Toshi's shirt is basically a dress', that one time you had a sleepover and you borrowed something from his closet.

Okay, perhaps Ushijima doesn't really mind someone else wearing his clothes. As long as that someone is you. And that's the reason why he's so confused. You're not Shizuo Mira. Why would he give her his jersey?

"It would be my honor to cheer for you and the team," she says. That made some sense, in Ushijima's simple brain. She's the head of the cheer squad after all, of course she'd want to do it for the school. Ushijima didn't think too much of it back then. Reaching into his sports bag, he pulls out the neatly folded jersey and hands it over to the blonde girl.

"Thank you very much, Ushijima-senpai!" She said, and its a shame that Ushijima didn't notice the way her eyes shifted towards him--No, scratch that. Its such a shame that Ushijima failed to see the way her eyes shifted towards _the person behind him_.

Ushijima doesn't realize the weight of his actions until Tendou Satori and Semi Eita pointed it out minutes later.

"Why were you talking to Shizuo-san?" Semi grimaced.

"She asked if she could wear my spare jersey for the game today. I said yes." He was even more confused when the two visibly flinched at his words. Semi shook his head in what Ushijima can assume as disbelief, or was it disappointment? Draping an arm across Ushijima's shoulders, Tendou tsk'ed loudly before asking, "Do you know what it means when someone wears your jersey to a game?"

The answer was obvious. "No."

"It's an unspoken rule, but it usually means that there's something going on between you two." Ushijima's brows knitted together. Then he remembers the very few times he saw Sawako Mari wearing a familiar black and orange jersey. A faint memory of you asking "What's that Mari?" and with said female answering, "Cuz, I want to support my boyfriend from Karasuno."

"But I don't like Shizuo-san." He says, louder than intended.

"Well, you should've known about this before giving her the jersey." He should've.

Ushijima isn't one to stew in past mistakes. He takes what he learned from them and uses it to become better in the future. That's the way his mind works. But there was a voice at the back of his head that wished he could turn back time. Can you blame him, though? He wasn't aware that these things have an underlying meaning to them. Also, it would be rude of him to try and take his jersey back, with the risk of embarrassing Shizuo Mira in front of her peers.

There was a bitter taste in his mouth when he ate breakfast that day. Tendou Satori said it's the taste of regret, and Ushijima was forced to swallow it down.

* * *

First kisses were supposed to be special. Or at least that was what you told Ushijima. He'd look at you with a warm gaze, trying to burn the picture of you in his memory. The way your eyes twinkled as you watched the couple on the screen press their lips on each other. The way the corners of your lips turned upwards in a smile as the end credits rolled. He doesn't care for these cliche movies that you're so fond of. He reads the ads on newspaper and magazines as a form of entertainment, for god sake. And yet, he couldn't find it in himself to refuse your requests of having these marathons.

You both have completely different interests, yet you share the same passion. It's one of the many things that he adored about you.

"I wonder how it feels," he would hear you ponder out loud. He'd tilt his head in confusion, and you'd grin. "To kiss someone you love."

13-year-old Ushijima knew nothing about romance. He barely had any idea about the concept of relationships. He knows love is a special connection between people who care about each other. He knows that if people love each other enough, they can make a vow to be together forever. Yet, with his parents' divorce, he's still confused. If you love someone so much, why would you think of leaving them?

His grandma would talk about how sometimes, love can fade away. Is that what happened with his parents? In Ushijima's young and innocent mind, he sees you as someone he cares about. Perhaps it was love. So, Ushijima responded to you in the only way he knew how.

"When we're old enough, I'll kiss you."

12-year-old you was taken aback by his ever blunt response. Both of your cheeks were a bright shade of red. Turning away from the olive-haired boy, you exclaimed. "You're only supposed to kiss someone you like, silly Toshi!"

"But I like you, (Name)."

"Gah! Stop saying it so nonchalantly!"

* * *

It wasn't until Shizuo Mira had pressed her lips upon Ushijima Wakatoshi's when he remembered that old memory. The crowd around him cheered and whistled, while he was frozen in shock. What does one do in this kind of situation? His hands fell limp to his sides as the blonde cheerleader's manicured hands pressed upon his broad chest. The kiss lasted for a few seconds, and Ushijima's mind was foggy. There was a heavy weight upon his shoulders, the familiar bitter taste on his tongue.

Is this how it's supposed to feel like? Didn't you say that a first kiss was supposed to feel magical? Where are the fireworks you so happily talked about?

"When we're old enough, I'll kiss you." His own voice echoed in his head.

Shizuo looped her arm around his, smiling and waving at the approaching members of the photography, and newspaper club. He caught the confused stares of his teammates.

And for a moment, he thought he saw a glimpse of you, walking away. From the crowd. From him.

* * *

Shizuo pulled him to the side afterwards. Once they were alone did he finally get a good look on the cheerleader's form. She wore his jersey with such pride, and people would probably compliment how great she looked. Ushijima begged to differ. He couldn't find the word to describe his feelings when she saw her in his clothing. Or perhaps he didn't want to, because Ushijima knew that it wasn't going to be a compliment.

"Shizuo-san." He began. Ushijima has never rejected anyone before, mostly because he didn't need to, but now felt like the right time. "I'm unaware of your intentions towards me and I want to let you know that I'm not interest--"

"I know you don't like me, Wakatoshi-senpai." Ushijima was confused. If she knew, then why would she do this? "And that's okay for me." Shizuo continued, her crystal blue eyes fixated upon his.

"Everyone knows you have a thing for (Surname)-san. It's a wonder how you two still aren't in a relationship yet."

"I don't think that is any of your business, Shizuo-san. So, if you would be so kind as to return my jers--" "Did you know that sneaking around the dorms is a serious offense, Wakatoshi-senpai?"

Ushijima's brows knitted together as he watched the other female pull out her phone. Holding it upwards so Ushijima can see, his gaze landed on the screen. It was a video of you, during _that night._ That night when his teammates helped sneak you into their dorms so you can sing to him. That night when you two had an argument that lead to this falling out. Why does Shizuo Mira have this footage?

How did she even get that in the first place? And, what is she going to use it for?

"It'd be a shame if this video were to reach the Prefect of Discipline. Poor (Surname)-san could lose the scholarship and recommendation she worked so hard for. Hell, if they found out she's been doing this on multiple occasions--she might even get expelled." Shizuo Mira's perfect and angelic smile twisted into a vile and malicious sneer. Ushijima's hand clenched into a fist.

Ushijima Wakatoshi witnessed as the cheerleader, Shizuo Mira--famous for being ever kind and beautiful, turn into a conniving nuisance.

Stepping forward, he attempted to grab the phone from Shizuo's grasp, throwing it onto the floor. The phone bounced from the ground, landing with a soft 'thud' as the cracked screen stared back at him. Ushijima was never a violent person, especially around females. Not this time.

Not when this blonde was smirking at him, as if she knew that he would react that way. "Tsk, tsk, tsk." She shook her head, hands placed on her hips.

"You really think I'm dumb enough to keep one copy of something that valuable?" Her eyes narrowed as she threw her head back, laughter echoing through the empty hall.

"What do you want?" Ushijima asked, in a tone that sounded so foreign to him.

Shizuo stepped forward, her finger trailing across Ushijima's bicep--to which he retracted with nothing but pure disgust. "It's simple, really."

"Be my boyfriend, and I won't tell anyone about (Surname)-san's little trips to the boys' dorms."

* * *

Ushijima Wakatoshi never understood why Shizuo Mira would go this far just to 'have him'. He never understood why she wanted him to be her lover, when they barely knew each other. Was it to flaunt him around the campus? Everyone's talking about it after all, calling them Shiratorizawa's power couple after the newspaper club had published the incident.

Why would she want to be in a _forced_ relationship when winter break is coming up. Either way, Ushijima did not want to risk putting you and your education status at risk. So if pretending to be lovers with this... _witch_ was the only way to protect you, then he'd do it.

He has no idea about the basics of a relationship, and isn't interested in one (especially with Shizuo Mira). For now, he'll have to pretend until he figures out another way to (for lack of a better term) get rid of her.

Besides, winter break is coming soon. He'll meet you at Kurihara, and definitely make amends. The thought of reconciling with you makes things less gloomy.

It's not like Shizuo Mira will follow him home? Right?

* * *

You were right there.

He was so close.

Ushijima wondered if you knew how beautiful you were. Kneeling before you after escaping the anxiety-inducing crowd, he finds himself enamored by your gaze. The cold was a forgotten sensation as he felt a comforting warmth envelop his body. Is this what you meant when you said that "Love is like a fiery sensation in your chest"? You kept your gaze on his as he reached out to tuck away a strand of your hair. For a moment, he broke eye contact to look at your trembling hands. Then he proceeded to ask if you were cold.

Or were you nervous? Because he sure is.

"Toshi.. Can I.."

_Can I kiss you?_

Were the words he wished you'd say. And even if you didn't, then he'd ask it himself. There are so many things he wanted to say and do at that moment. His heart was beating so fast, he feared you'd hear the way it thumped in his ribcage. His gloved hands felt sweaty in spite of the cold weather. There are so many things left unsaid and undone.

He wanted to change that. But life can be devious, he realizes as he hears a familiar voice in the distance.

Things do not always go the way you want nor expect it to be. He thinks ruefully as Shizuo Mira wraps her arms around him. His eyes refuse to meet your gaze; because he didn't want to see the pain and disappointment in your eyes when you watch Shizuo Mira press her ear against his chest--listening to the way his heart beats for you and only you.

The comforting warmth that surrounded him was replaced with the unsettling cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg this chappie is slightly longerrrrr hehehe
> 
> so now y'all know why wakatoshi's letting this random girl hoe arounddddd, i really wasn't planning on going this direction (originally it was sposed to be oiks) but oh welp, we cant go back now hshshhshsh // dw oiks be making a comeback hopefully in the next few chappies
> 
> i hope you guys liked this, i rlly tried to tap into wakatoshi's character (idk if it a success or fail tho ;;;) also, i'd like to apologize for the slow updates. there are a lot of stuff going on w my life rn :c but seeing all your support makes me feel so happy and i'd like to thank each and every one of you lovely people <3
> 
> anw, i hope you guys stay safe. thank you for all the kudos and comments, i love y'all.


	15. Family Tradition, not

"Awww, look at you two!" Your mom cried out of excitement as she held up a small digital camera in her dainty hands. 12-year-old you alongside a 13-year-old Wakatoshi were standing next to each other with matching fuzzy sweaters. With both of your families being neighbors-- _close neighbors_ , in fact, it's practically tradition for you to celebrate the holidays with the Ushijimas. Tradition involved Christmas eve dinners, gift-giving, matching clothes, and many more.

For this Christmas, your mother had offered to be the one to prepare dinner. Wakatoshi's mom would most likely be at your house to help. His grandma would be wrapping gifts that she bought for everyone. You're running errands, alongside Mari--who decided that she's staying for the holidays after seeing you walking away from a certain couple. Cold, alone, and on the verge of tears, Mari could only take your hand and lead you back home. It's been three days and she hasn't mentioned it once. Your little brother, on the other hand, was more vocal about it.

"We're leaving without Waka-nii-chan?"

"Who was that girl with Waka-nii-chan?"

This time, your father, your little brother, and Wakatoshi are supposed to be decorating the tree. It's tradition. Tradition involved your dad putting up the tree while Haru sits upon Wakatoshi's shoulders as he hung the ornaments.

That's your family tradition.

What's NOT your family tradition is Shizuo Mira appearing at your house, introducing herself to his family and yours as Wakatoshi's girlfriend. Tradition does NOT involve Shizuo Mira, walking around your house, helping your mom and Ushijima-san cook dinner, wrapping all of the presents, and definitely NOT being carried by Wakatoshi to hang stupid ornaments--

"(Name)," Mari's voice interrupted you from your train of thought. "You okay?"

"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine."

"Well, that bag of chips is close to exploding by how tight you're squeezing it." Placing the chips inside your cart, a sigh slips past your lips before continuing to push through the snacks aisle. You don't want to talk about it. You don't want to _think_ about it. Then again, how are you supposed to do that when the person causing your suffering is _in your house_ and acting all close with _your family._

The loud beeping of items being checked out at the counter faded in the background. Mari shook her head in disappointment as she watched your gloomy self. She's trying hard not to be mad at Wakatoshi, because she's well aware of how much the guy cares for you. That's why it feels so wrong to see a certain cheerleader clinging onto his arm, giggling and parading herself as his lover. Ushijima Wakatoshi could barely come to terms with his own feelings for you, so how in the hell did he get himself a girlfriend?

There's something goin' on here, Mari thinks. And she's determined to find that out

* * *

Jealousy and sadness is a terrible combination, you think to yourself as you stare across the table--eyes landing on Wakatoshi and Shizuo sitting next to each other with their stupid, matching sweaters. Gripping a fork in your hand, you stab at the roast chicken on your plate before stuffing your mouth with food. Maybe if you focus on the delicious food, then you wouldn't have to talk and interact with the rest of them.

"Your cooking is divine, (Surname)-san. I wish my dads knew how to cook like this," Mari said in an attempt to make small talk. She could see the discomfort upon your face, and the way you were oh-so-murderously glaring at Shizuo--and not gonna lie, if you weren't so upset then she probably would've laughed at you. Never has Mari seen you look so pissed. Speaking of piss, the fact that Shizuo Mira is here _uninvited_ is like a dog peeing all over another dog's property.

Okay, she sucks at analogies. Damn it.

Your mother smiled warmly at your best friend before responding, "Thank you, Mari. You should've invited them over, y'know? You know your family's always welcome here."

"Well, I was going to but...stuff happened." Mari trailed off, eyes shifting towards Shizuo. Said person cleared her throat and stood up. "Uhm.. (Surname)-san, Ushijima-san, I'd like to thank all of you for letting me spend the holidays here."

Of course she'd have a speech like this, Mari thought. "I know that it's a surprise, me and Wakatoshi-kun."

"S'more of a nightmare, to be honest." Your best friend grumbled. You could barely hear what Mari said but you know for sure that Shizuo and Wakatoshi heard it as well.

"I care about Wakatoshi-kun a lot. That's why I'm here to ask for your blessing with our blooming relationship. Especially you, (Name)-san." The blonde-haired girl turned towards you with a sickeningly sweet smile. You hate it. It feels like she's mocking you. "W-What? Why me?" You ask softly, eyes narrowed as you stared back at her.

"I know you grew up with Wakatoshi-kun. If there's anyone who knows him best, it would probably be you." She paused for a moment, and you felt sick.

_"You two are like close siblings."_

Shizuo Mira had labeled you as Wakatoshi's sibling. Right in front of your families.

You changed your mind. It's not jealousy and sadness anymore. It's jealousy _and hatred._ You hate her, and perhaps, you hate Ushijima Wakatoshi a tiny bit too.

* * *

"You sure you want me to join you and your boyfriend?" You ask Mari as you come out of the shower, drying your hair. It's been days since the dreaded Christmas dinner and Mari wanted to distract you from Shizuo Mira and Ushijima Wakatoshi with a trip to Tokyo for the New Year.

New Year is partially a holiday for couples. It's the perfect time to go out on a date with your significant other, enjoy the romantic, winter wonderland. As someone who claimed to be a hopeless romantic, it's awfully unlike you to feel spite towards this holiday. Fantasies of having a date at the Tokyo Skytree where a _certain olive-haired boy_ would take your cold hands in his warm ones. You imagined exchanging eskimo kisses with each other with snowflakes stuck in your hair as you held each other close.

They say that if you kiss someone at the stroke of midnight on New Year's eve, you'll be together forever.

Thinking about that usually makes you feel giddy.

But right now, all you can think of is the fact that _Wakatoshi_ _might share that kiss with Shizuo._

And it hurts. It hurts so damn much.

Either way, your best friend drags you along to be a third wheel on her date with her boyfriend from Karasuno--or as Wakatoshi would say, the concrete. You would've been fine with that. Azumane Asahi is one of the nicest people you've ever met. To be honest, you're still surprised that your loud and chaotic friend had found herself in a loving relationship with a man who's the complete opposite of her. You would've been fine with tagging alongside the couple for an hour or two. It's not a big deal. Join them for hot cocoa at this cozy, themed café, take pictures at the park, go to Tokyo Skytree, and then go home early because you know that the couple would need some--er.. time for intimacy.

You would've been alright with that. It's a great plan.

Until it wasn't.

Because as soon as the three of you arrived at Tokyo Skytree, you see _them._ And the cold, winter night couldn't stop your blood from boiling hot with unadulterated jealousy.

Shizuo's hands were clasped in Wakatoshi's bigger ones. You watched as she beckons him closer, leaning down as she points at a lone snowflake upon his hair. There was a stinging pain in your chest as you watch the scene unfold. The same damned scene that you've been fantasizing about. It could've been you.

_It should have been you_.

"Come on, (Name)-chan! The fireworks start in 15 minutes, we gotta find a cool spot to watch!" Mari gleefully exclaimed as the three of you ascend towards the higher floors. Your eyes almost tear up at the sight of her gloved hands entwined with Azumane-kun's.

There was a heavy feeling upon your shoulders. You felt sick. You felt cold.

You felt alone.

* * *

"Oi. What're you doing? The fireworks display is about to start." A certain spikey-haired male grumbled as he dragged along an all too familiar brunette.

"How mean, Iwa-chan! I was just trying to greet the cute girls!" Oikawa Tooru whined as Iwaizumi Hajime finally let go of his arm. The latter had practically pestered Iwaizumi into watching the fireworks 'for good luck', which seemed out of character because Oikawa Tooru does not believe in luck.

Oikawa Tooru is no genius. He's brilliant and intelligent, not because god had blessed him to be the way he was. He's no prodigy. He worked for everything that he has. Oikawa Tooru is great, because he did so much--pushing himself to the limit. That's why he felt so utterly defeated when their ticket to the nationals has been snatched right before his eyes. Oikawa did so much.

So goddamn much. Apparently, it's still not enough.

The brunette was a shell of the person he was for a while after their loss. The rest of his team was devastated too, yes, but Oikawa suffered the impact of the fall harder than anyone else. Tears were shed. Hurtful words were thrown behind closed doors.

Staring back at his own reflection on the glass pane, Iwaizumi Hajime could only hope that this whole firework miracle can make things okay. Even just for a little bit.

"Ah!" Oikawa exclaimed as he spotted a familiar (color)-haired girl in the crowd. Soon enough, Oikawa was walking towards your direction with Iwaizumi following behind.

With hands tucked inside your pockets, Oikawa thought that you stood out in the middle of the crowd.

You stood out because you were alone, and sad.

"Ne, (Name)-chan. How come I always find you with a frown on your face, huh?" Recognizing his voice, you raised your head to look at him, your eyes twinkling because of the tears pooling at the corners of your eyes. "Oikawa.. Iwaizumi-san.." You breathed out, nodding towards the other male.

"Don't you know it's bad luck for you to be frowning, especially on New Year's eve? Tsk, tsk." He chimed as he stepped closer towards you. "I never thought you'd be so supertitious, 'Kawa." You lips slowly curved into a small smile.

"Don't tease me, (Name)-chan! I'm just trying to cheer you up!" Oikawa's bottom lip jutted out. "Quiet down, Shittykawa. You're scaring other people."

"Not you too, Iwa-chan!"

Your soft laughter rings in Oikawa's ears. It left a warm feeling, blooming in his chest and spreading throughout his form. "You came here alone?" He asks, watching as you look into the glass pane, waiting for the fireworks to begin. You hesitated for a bit before saying, "Not really."

"Eh? But how come you're standing here by yourself?"

Shifting nervously, you forced a smile. "I came here with Mari and her boyfriend. Though, I figured they'd want some alone time because y'know.." You trailed off. Oikawa simply tilted his head, urging for you to continue. "Couple's tradition and whatnot." "Couple's tradition?"

"When you kiss someone on New Year's eve, you'll be together forever." Ah.

That's when Oikawa Tooru sees them, standing a few feet from you. Ushijima Wakatoshi and an unnamed blonde girl. That's when he pieces the clues all together. Why you were alone. Why you were on the verge of crying. Looking down, Oikawa realized that you were looking at them too.

"I see." Oikawa step closer as his brown eyes meet with olive green ones. His hand bumps into yours before engulfing them in his grasp. His grip was gentle, comforting. Ushijima Wakatoshi stands on the other side, and Oikawa Tooru sees his eyes narrow into a glare. "Don't worry, (Name)-chan." Oikawa leans forward, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear.

The countdown begins, and he watches as the unnamed girl wraps her arms around Ushiwaka. You flinched, tightening your hold upon Oikawa's hand. "Look away, (Name)-chan." He mutters, gently tugging at you.

Look away, spare yourself the heartbreak.

"Please."

Look away.

Then there was brightness. All she could remember were the sound of fireworks.

_And his lips against hers._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAA THIS TOOK SO LONG, HOLIDAY SEASON IS OVER ALREADY LOLOLOL im srry hehehehehe
> 
> the question here is, who kissed who ksksksksss
> 
> i hope you guys liked this chappie bc i was working on this during my micropara class heheeheh priorities go brr,, thank you so much for all the support i've been receiving from you guys, i rlly appreciateeee <3 pls forgive me for the slow slow slowww updates, nursing school is scawy hshshsh again thamks for all the lovely comments, they rlly brighten my days hehe stay safe always ppl, ilysm <3

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my first language, and I'm also typing this on my phone so I'm sorry if there are grammatical errors. ;;


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